CAIR the “Terrorist Group”
Or, How Civil Rights Became Terrorism While Treason Took a Field Trip
Folks, America is under attack.
Not from bombs.
Not from foreign agents.
Not even from the people openly fantasizing about civil war on Facebook.
No, the real threat is paperwork.
According to the latest wave of Christian Nationalist panic, the Council on American-Islamic Relations, a Muslim civil rights organization, is basically ISIS with a stapler. Their crime? Filing lawsuits. Publishing reports. Defending constitutional rights. You know, the gateway drugs to Sharia Law.
Let’s be clear. CAIR does not overthrow governments. It does not train militias. It does not storm buildings chanting for hangings. It does something far more radical: it hires lawyers.
And in Christian Nationalist America, nothing is more suspicious than a minority who knows how the court system works.
Now, some critics say, “But CAIR documents discrimination!”
Exactly. Terrorism.
Because once discrimination is documented, it can be proven.
Once it’s proven, it can be litigated.
Once it’s litigated, someone might have to stop doing it.
And that, my friends, is the real violence.
Meanwhile, let’s take a quick look at the people calling CAIR a terrorist group. These are folks who:
Believe America was founded as a Christian nation, despite the Constitution loudly disagreeing.
Think the separation of church and state is a liberal psyop.
Call for executions on social media.
Threaten judges, journalists, and election officials.
Bring zip ties to democratic processes.
Describe January 6 as “a misunderstanding” or “a tour that got out of hand.”
But rest easy. None of that is terrorism.
That’s just passion. Patriotism. Religious liberty with a tactical vest.
Under this exciting new Christian Nationalist framework, the rules are simple.
If you file lawsuits, you’re a threat.
If you write reports, you’re radicalized.
If you defend Muslims’ constitutional rights, you’re undermining America.
But if you threaten violence in the name of Jesus?
That’s heritage.
If you try to overturn an election?
That’s civic engagement.
If you storm the Capitol?
That’s a field trip that got a little enthusiastic.
The beauty of this system is its consistency. Equality is tyranny. Accountability is oppression. And the Constitution is sacred, unless it applies to people they don’t like.
CAIR’s real offense isn’t Islam. It’s citizenship. They act as if Muslims are Americans with standing. With rights. With access to courts. With the audacity to expect equal protection under the law.
That’s intolerable to a movement that believes rights are inherited through theology, not citizenship.
So Texas and its ideological cousins are bravely asking the hard questions. What if the real extremists were the people who kept suing segregationists until the law changed? What if the real threat to order was anyone who insisted America live up to its own promises?
Which brings us to the unavoidable conclusion.
If filing lawsuits is terrorism…
If documenting discrimination is extremism…
If invoking constitutional rights is sedition…
Then Martin Luther King Jr. would have been on the no-fly list.
And given history, someone probably tried.
But don’t worry. America is safe.
The real dangers are being handled.
The paperwork is under control.
God bless this blessed mess.
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