The Pendulum Swings Because You’re Growing
Every high tide of presence pulls back into the undertow of your humanity.
You can always tell who just got back from a retreat.
They’re glowing, floating, and speaking in lowercase.
They’ve forgiven their enemies, renounced gluten, and decided to “just be love.”
Fast-forward 48 hours, and they’re in the kitchen screaming at their spouse for loading the dishwasher wrong.
Welcome home, enlightened one.
The crash after a spiritual high isn’t failure—it’s physics.
When you touch a deeper layer of presence, your system reorganizes. The body, mind, and ego have to adjust to the new voltage. You’ve borrowed energy from your future self, and now your nervous system is sending you the bill.
Kabir Helminski calls this part of Practicing Living Presence “the pendulum.” Cynthia Bourgeault called it “integration.” Virgin Monk Boy calls it “Tuesday.”
Because here’s the thing: awakening doesn’t make you immune to your humanity. It makes you more acutely aware of it. All the anger, impatience, and unhealed junk you thought you left on the retreat center floor just followed you home in your carry-on.
And that’s not regression—that’s revelation.
The light went deeper, so the shadows got louder.
So the next time you go from mystical union to marital armageddon in under 48 hours, just remember: you’re not losing ground. You’re metabolizing grace.
The pendulum swings because you’re growing.
And if you can stop judging the backswings, you’ll see that even the chaos is part of the rhythm of Presence.
Blessed be the ones who melt down after mountaintops.
They’re not failing.
They’re finishing what the light began.
If this post unhinged your halo, poured some Presence in your posture, or made your inner heretic weep with joy—share it, toss a coin to your scribal renegade, or subscribe for more molten reflections from the margins.
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“you’re not losing ground. You’re metabolizing grace.” I love it!
I love this! I only wish someone had told me this when I came home from a my first experience of "enlightenment" at 16 - after a week at summer church camp. Instead I fell off the grid and felt more alone than ever before, with no way to relate, describe or integrate my experiences into "regular" life. Our culture has so few well integrated supports for deeply thoughtful and aware children especially. Thanks for your words. They are greatly appreciated - even all these years later!