🏡✨ Jesus’ Lost Parable of the HOA

Because enlightenment doesn’t require HOA approval.

⚠️ SATIRE ALERT: This message has not been approved by your HOA or your ego.

“The kingdom of heaven is like a Homeowners Association: everyone wants green lawns, no one wants to pay dues, and that one self-appointed enforcer will still call the cops on you for painting your fence turquoise.”

And the disciples said unto him,
“Lord, what even is an HOA?”
And Jesus sighed deeply, for he saw the suffering of mankind had evolved.

Once upon a suburban cul-de-sac, the Son of Man came not riding on a donkey, but in a Prius.
He parked between two SUVs bearing Love Thy Neighbor bumper stickers—both owned by people currently suing each other over hedge height.

He looked around and beheld a people obsessed with curb appeal and spiritually bankrupt within.

So he spoke unto them, saying:

“Blessed are the lawn-mowers, for they shall inherit the noise complaint.

Blessed are those who paint outside the palette, for they shall be fined unto enlightenment.

And blessed are the peacemakers, though their grass be patchy and their fences slightly crooked.”

The crowd murmured, “But Lord, what is the kingdom of heaven like?”

And He said,

“The kingdom of heaven is not like this gated community, where everyone waves but no one really knows each other.

It’s not like your HOA board meeting, where the loudest voice wins and mercy is out of order.

It’s more like that one neighbor whose wildflowers broke all the rules yet made the whole street beautiful.”

Your ego is the HOA of your soul—
sending spiritual violation notices at every turn:

• “You didn’t meditate enough today.”

• “That wasn’t a holy thought.”

• “Your compassion exceeded the approved quota.”

• “Joy is not permitted without proper paperwork.”

It slaps divine life with petty fines, demanding uniformity of feeling and performance-level holiness.

The ego wants control, not connection.
It wants your inner world to look like an HGTV special—staged, manicured, spiritually marketable.
But love? Love breaks zoning laws.

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When you start to awaken, your inner HOA panics.

It starts posting reminders like, “Don’t get too happy; people will think you’ve lost it,”
and “Don’t forgive that fast—it makes you look weak.”

Yet the mystics, the rebels, the barefoot saints—they all ignored the notices.
They ripped down the vinyl fences of fear and planted something unapproved: compassion.
The kind that grows wild, without permits, and outlasts every rule.

If heaven had an HOA, Jesus would’ve been excommunicated before Easter.

He healed on the Sabbath, dined with tax collectors, and turned water into wine without filling out a request form.
Every miracle was a zoning violation in the empire of appearances.

So when your inner enforcer shows up with a clipboard, just wink.
Tell it the committee has been dissolved.
Then go paint your fence turquoise and call it prayer.

Because the true kingdom isn’t about keeping the neighborhood tidy.
It’s about letting the divine mess make beauty where bureaucracy once lived.

Blessed be the ones who cancel their ego dues and plant wildflowers anyway.

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Jesus stands before a suburban HOA board as they scold Him for painting His fence turquoise. The fence glows softly behind Him, symbolizing enlightenment breaking through conformity.