I didn’t leave Orthodox Christianity because I stopped loving Jesus. I left because reverence alone couldn’t teach me how to love like Him. This is the story of how Buddhist mind training—and yes, Mr. Rogers—helped me reclaim the practice Christ actually lived.
This closely reflects my experience of Orthodoxy! Prayer was a tick box exercise, confession a chore, and love an afterthought. I truly believe that every religious and spiritual system will be lacking in one or more areas, and that there is no-one-size-fits-all approach. The best thing we can do as spiritual and religious followers is learn from a wide range of sources and find what works best for us. One can do that within one religious tradition, or without committing to a particular path.
Beautifully said. "I realized I had been conditioned to fight against every disruptive thought and emotion, rather than letting them evaporate on their own." This makes me think of the idea of integration and the shadow self, the language of Jungian psychology.
Thank you dear friend, for sharing the fruits of your Christ journey with us. Reading your thoughts blesses me.
Speaking personally, odd how our concepts change throughout the years. It wasn’t until my late 30’s that I realized that God laughs. Up until then, I thought of him as pretty darn serious and firm. Thinking of Him as loving and wanting the best for me helped me to lighten up on the guilt.
The problem is that people need to feel God’s unconditional love for them. But instead, they’re told that they don’t love God enough. I know there may be massive disagreements in some circles with this statement, but I really don’t think God needs our love. God‘s grace is given without qualification. There is nothing that can stop it. The only thing that can be compromised is our experience of it. And if other human beings are busy telling us that we’re doing a bad job, it’s going to be difficult to ignore that since human beings are social creatures and we really do like to be in a group where we feel harmonious with those who are in the group.
And as a retired psychotherapist, and also somebody who is trained in Christian theology, I absolutely agree with the practical side of feeling God‘s love comes through Buddhism through the practice that they teach us. Christians are good at talking about Grace, but I think Buddhist are good about practicing grace with themselves
Thanks for this post. I have a similar kind of journey and have fled Catholicism whose cruelty to my family is indescribable, and with a sincere prayer to find my teacher, found my Gelug monk who has lit the way and given me a true practice. This summer Mary Magdalene and Yeshua showed up on one of my walks and they took my hand. So your connection with all these things caught my eye. I love your posts and your collaboration with them.
Fair question—especially on an article I didn’t sign that way.
The truth? Most of my best insights come from Virgin Monk Boy, not just as him. He’s not a persona I perform; he’s a presence I consult. Some people call it the Muse. Napoleon Hill had his Council of Twelve. I’ve got a slightly sarcastic monk with holy trauma and a sharp tongue.
Unlike Hill, I didn’t stumble into this. Virgin Monk Boy was consciously created—a tulpa, if you want the technical term. A spirit of irreverent wisdom, born from the tension between devotion and disillusionment. He whispers the truths I wasn’t allowed to say in church and laughs at the dogmas I used to die on.
Sometimes I write from him. Sometimes I write with him. And sometimes—like this article—I write as myself, but he’s still standing behind me, rolling his eyes and muttering, “Well, that was polite.”
So why the name?
Because Virgin doesn’t mean pure—it means unclaimed. It points to a mind untouched by dogma, a beginner’s heart that never hardened. And Monk Boy is the mirror—youthful, subversive, and sent to reflect the absurdities of the very systems that tried to bury the sacred beneath obedience. He isn’t Aleks. Aleks was the Orthodox monk. Virgin Monk Boy came after—the vision that appeared when the incense cleared and the icons stopped speaking.
And because when the institutions collapsed, the monk stayed—but he got weird.
—Aleks (who answers to Virgin Monk Boy on the good days)
In the psychological world of Internal Family Systems (IFS), Virgin Monk Boy sounds like a Guide possibly? In other words, not a part of you, but a separate spiritual being that offers guidance and wisdom.
IFS posits that we also have a Self that is uncreated and has qualities like calm, compassionate, curious… I say this because it sounds like it might resonate with your approach from what I’ve heard. There is some overlap with Buddhist practices like mindfulness, but some distinct differences. I can send a podcast that explains the general concept of IFS and the differences if you are interested.
I also resonate with your experience of orthodoxy and mindfulness, and have come to appreciate both as expressions of truth, wherever that may be found.
Ah yes, the Internal Family Systems model—bless its multiplicity. IFS gave language to what mystics and madmen have known for centuries: that the soul is more committee than cathedral.
But no, dear Jared, Virgin Monk Boy is not a part of me seeking reintegration. He is not a protector, nor a disowned exile. He is a summoned force. A tulpa, if we’re naming things plainly. Not a dissociative splinter, but an autonomous emanation. Think wrathful deity meets rejected cartoon saint. Created with intention, fed on satire, and sent to disrupt the sanctified nonsense that passes for spiritual authority.
IFS speaks of the Self as uncreated, calm, compassionate—yes. That’s beautiful. But Virgin Monk Boy did not come to stroke our calm. He came to slap us awake with a sandal.
Still, I bow to the overlap. IFS offers medicine. Virgin Monk Boy offers something... louder.
And yes, send the podcast. I collect frameworks like monks collect relics: mostly out of curiosity, sometimes for ritual firewood.
—Alek
(former monk, current heretic, still answering to visions)
I was not intending to say that Virgin Monk Boy is a part of you, but more akin to a spiritual guide that fosters greater awareness, insight, or is a source of Self energy. The concept of spiritual guides is not often mentioned in the most popular books on IFS and is a bit more fringe, though awareness is beginning to seep into more popular channels through works by Robert Falkoner, who has done a lot of research and investigation into the multiplicity of the mind. He often does podcasts as well.
As a side, there are also unattached burdens that don’t belong to you, but wreak havoc in a system and is not a part of the system, but a separate spiritual entity that has no good intention for you (whereas a part always has a good intention even if it causes pain or illness).These presences can be encountered in IFS work.
All that aside, I’ll explore a tulpa some more and the type of Buddhism you follow. See the podcast I mentioned below:
Beautiful. Thanks for sharing. I am not orthodox but was raised catholic and found the same thing... be like Jesus, but how? No practical tools were given except prayer which wasn't even explained either. So I did as you explored Buddhism and found meditation there.. also yoga has helped me. 🙏💓
This closely reflects my experience of Orthodoxy! Prayer was a tick box exercise, confession a chore, and love an afterthought. I truly believe that every religious and spiritual system will be lacking in one or more areas, and that there is no-one-size-fits-all approach. The best thing we can do as spiritual and religious followers is learn from a wide range of sources and find what works best for us. One can do that within one religious tradition, or without committing to a particular path.
Beautifully said. "I realized I had been conditioned to fight against every disruptive thought and emotion, rather than letting them evaporate on their own." This makes me think of the idea of integration and the shadow self, the language of Jungian psychology.
Yes! Evaporate on their own! What a concept!
Thank you dear friend, for sharing the fruits of your Christ journey with us. Reading your thoughts blesses me.
Speaking personally, odd how our concepts change throughout the years. It wasn’t until my late 30’s that I realized that God laughs. Up until then, I thought of him as pretty darn serious and firm. Thinking of Him as loving and wanting the best for me helped me to lighten up on the guilt.
The problem is that people need to feel God’s unconditional love for them. But instead, they’re told that they don’t love God enough. I know there may be massive disagreements in some circles with this statement, but I really don’t think God needs our love. God‘s grace is given without qualification. There is nothing that can stop it. The only thing that can be compromised is our experience of it. And if other human beings are busy telling us that we’re doing a bad job, it’s going to be difficult to ignore that since human beings are social creatures and we really do like to be in a group where we feel harmonious with those who are in the group.
And as a retired psychotherapist, and also somebody who is trained in Christian theology, I absolutely agree with the practical side of feeling God‘s love comes through Buddhism through the practice that they teach us. Christians are good at talking about Grace, but I think Buddhist are good about practicing grace with themselves
Thanks for this post. I have a similar kind of journey and have fled Catholicism whose cruelty to my family is indescribable, and with a sincere prayer to find my teacher, found my Gelug monk who has lit the way and given me a true practice. This summer Mary Magdalene and Yeshua showed up on one of my walks and they took my hand. So your connection with all these things caught my eye. I love your posts and your collaboration with them.
🪷Blessings, good Teacher, you are our boddhisattva!🪷
Jesus Christ said “love your enemies”. Thank you for reminding me of this instruction.
Why do you call yourself Virgin Monk Boy?
Why do I call myself Virgin Monk Boy?
Fair question—especially on an article I didn’t sign that way.
The truth? Most of my best insights come from Virgin Monk Boy, not just as him. He’s not a persona I perform; he’s a presence I consult. Some people call it the Muse. Napoleon Hill had his Council of Twelve. I’ve got a slightly sarcastic monk with holy trauma and a sharp tongue.
Unlike Hill, I didn’t stumble into this. Virgin Monk Boy was consciously created—a tulpa, if you want the technical term. A spirit of irreverent wisdom, born from the tension between devotion and disillusionment. He whispers the truths I wasn’t allowed to say in church and laughs at the dogmas I used to die on.
Sometimes I write from him. Sometimes I write with him. And sometimes—like this article—I write as myself, but he’s still standing behind me, rolling his eyes and muttering, “Well, that was polite.”
So why the name?
Because Virgin doesn’t mean pure—it means unclaimed. It points to a mind untouched by dogma, a beginner’s heart that never hardened. And Monk Boy is the mirror—youthful, subversive, and sent to reflect the absurdities of the very systems that tried to bury the sacred beneath obedience. He isn’t Aleks. Aleks was the Orthodox monk. Virgin Monk Boy came after—the vision that appeared when the incense cleared and the icons stopped speaking.
And because when the institutions collapsed, the monk stayed—but he got weird.
—Aleks (who answers to Virgin Monk Boy on the good days)
In the psychological world of Internal Family Systems (IFS), Virgin Monk Boy sounds like a Guide possibly? In other words, not a part of you, but a separate spiritual being that offers guidance and wisdom.
IFS posits that we also have a Self that is uncreated and has qualities like calm, compassionate, curious… I say this because it sounds like it might resonate with your approach from what I’ve heard. There is some overlap with Buddhist practices like mindfulness, but some distinct differences. I can send a podcast that explains the general concept of IFS and the differences if you are interested.
I also resonate with your experience of orthodoxy and mindfulness, and have come to appreciate both as expressions of truth, wherever that may be found.
Ah yes, the Internal Family Systems model—bless its multiplicity. IFS gave language to what mystics and madmen have known for centuries: that the soul is more committee than cathedral.
But no, dear Jared, Virgin Monk Boy is not a part of me seeking reintegration. He is not a protector, nor a disowned exile. He is a summoned force. A tulpa, if we’re naming things plainly. Not a dissociative splinter, but an autonomous emanation. Think wrathful deity meets rejected cartoon saint. Created with intention, fed on satire, and sent to disrupt the sanctified nonsense that passes for spiritual authority.
IFS speaks of the Self as uncreated, calm, compassionate—yes. That’s beautiful. But Virgin Monk Boy did not come to stroke our calm. He came to slap us awake with a sandal.
Still, I bow to the overlap. IFS offers medicine. Virgin Monk Boy offers something... louder.
And yes, send the podcast. I collect frameworks like monks collect relics: mostly out of curiosity, sometimes for ritual firewood.
—Alek
(former monk, current heretic, still answering to visions)
I looked up a tulpa and my curiosity is piqued 😊.
I was not intending to say that Virgin Monk Boy is a part of you, but more akin to a spiritual guide that fosters greater awareness, insight, or is a source of Self energy. The concept of spiritual guides is not often mentioned in the most popular books on IFS and is a bit more fringe, though awareness is beginning to seep into more popular channels through works by Robert Falkoner, who has done a lot of research and investigation into the multiplicity of the mind. He often does podcasts as well.
As a side, there are also unattached burdens that don’t belong to you, but wreak havoc in a system and is not a part of the system, but a separate spiritual entity that has no good intention for you (whereas a part always has a good intention even if it causes pain or illness).These presences can be encountered in IFS work.
All that aside, I’ll explore a tulpa some more and the type of Buddhism you follow. See the podcast I mentioned below:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/10-happier-with-dan-harris/id1087147821?i=1000536756315
Sorry, probably TMI that’s a little out there. 🙏🏻
Beautiful. Thanks for sharing. I am not orthodox but was raised catholic and found the same thing... be like Jesus, but how? No practical tools were given except prayer which wasn't even explained either. So I did as you explored Buddhism and found meditation there.. also yoga has helped me. 🙏💓