Apophatic prayer isn’t about chasing mystical light or seeing visions. It’s the slow surrender of everything we cling to—even holy things. This post explores how divine darkness is not the absence of God, but the path to union—and how those seeking signs and visions risk mistaking ego for encounter.
Years ago, I saw a video that featured Fr. Keating (I believe it was him, it has been more than a couple decades). He told this story...
A young monk was in his cell, sitting on his bed in Centering Prayer (which, for those reading and don't know, is a form of prayer in silence). Suddenly, he had a sense of Presence. He opened his eyes to see Jesus sitting on the foot of his bed smiling at him. It was only for an instant, but he saw it nonetheless.
What an amazing spiritual experience!
All excited, he ran out of his room to tell someone. He saw one of the old-timers coming down the hall, you know, those monks who had been around forever. Super energized, he told his story.
The wise monk listened to him, looked upon him with compassion, and then said, "I see. Don't fret about it. It's okay. You'll get past that eventually."
So, the moral of the story...
If you see Jesus sitting on the foot of your bed smiling at you, kill it.
Yes—Centering Prayer is a form of apophatic prayer, and this story captures the heart of it beautifully.
If Jesus appears at the foot of your bed during prayer, you don’t chase the moment or cling to the vision. You gently return to your sacred word and rest in stillness. Not because the vision is false, but because it isn’t the point. Even the most holy experiences are just that—experiences—and the apophatic path invites us beyond all form, image, and sensation into pure presence.
The wise monk’s advice isn’t dismissive—it’s deeply aligned with the tradition. “You’ll get past that” simply means: you’ll learn not to need it.
Good Teacher, thank you for this beautiful writing. I believe it is the essence of Jesus’s teaching & also of the Buddha’s teaching. When we let go of everything, there is Freedom. 🕉️
Thank-you for this. I have tried meditation but somehow, because of my Catholic history, this makes more sense to me? Does that make sense? It’s like a merging of spiritual beliefs that I needed. Would love to get your thoughts on prescience, (which I’ve experienced for good and bad) in the light of a relationship with God. And not just the guy who plays him on Substack! (Who I adore!) ☺️
Absolutely—it makes perfect sense. Many with a Catholic background find apophatic prayer familiar, even if they weren’t taught it directly. It echoes the silence and mystery that were always there beneath the surface.
You might look into Thomas Keating, who revived Centering Prayer, or Cynthia Bourgeault, whose work bridges Christian mysticism and modern practice. Both offer grounded ways to explore this path.
As for prescience—yes, that too can emerge from a deeper connection with God. It’s not always dramatic. Sometimes it’s just clarity born from stillness, a kind of spiritual sensitivity that grows when you stop trying to control and start listening.
After your blessedly simple instructions in this post’s P.S. & several experiences with them that made me want to venture into more, I dipped the toe in the water & went to Bo McGuffee’s Lectio Divina gatherings. Got the time zone wrong the first time & showed up an hour late & he was supremely kind enuf to stay & go thru the whole process with me alone.
I showed up on time the next week & all I can say is - both experiences were almost totally. Indescribable using words, which is incredibly unusual as loquacious is my informal middle name.
Both times were heartfelt. Soul touching. And thru the centering prayer, focusing on my sacred word & just bathing in God’s presence, I cried. Not sobbing. Not grief-stricken. just simple silent tears flowing gently slowly & me, no idea why. While I’m an easy cryer, not like this before. the tears were continual. Unexpected. Not sad. No grief. Very definitely want to experience again.
I began a practice of centering/apophatic prayer over 25 years ago. The sacred word given to me in prayer at the beginning is the word I continue to use.
In addition, I practice lectio divina, continual prayer, and the Office of Compline.
I’ve been blessed with mentors—friends—women and men, monks of the Cistercian (Trappist) Order throughout this time.
In my experience, the Trappists dedicate themselves to a contemplative tradition and charism closest to Desert/Greek Orthodox mystical-spiritual origins.
William — I agree with you, and I’d add this: even though the East has its hesychasm, they sell the Jesus Prayer so hard — through books like Way of a Pilgrim — that a person often gets duped into thinking the goal is to feel the prayer magically pierce the heart and then start repeating itself on autopilot, rather than sit in silence.
It’s the same trap the West fell into with vocal prayer. The mind wants a hook, an experience, a sign of progress. But the true core of apophatic prayer — in both traditions — is consent to silence, not chasing an interior fireworks show.
Glad to see someone who’s been walking this path a while.
It is my life-long path: I had my first mystical experience sometime around my third birthday. I found myself wholly absorbed in rapt, peaceful wonder. When it came to an end, I knew somehow that it was vital and I must remember it. So I began “practicing the memory”— returning to the simple “being” of it—and have continued in it for over 70 years. That practice has awakened my nous to the Divine Presence countless times. The great majority of them have been simple and brief, rather like Brother Laurence’s, giving me a moment to step softly out of time, to be at peace, in love/light, and be grateful. A handful have been more prolonged and powerful, wherein I am wholly subsumed in love and become pure “yes!” to the One. I do not cling to memories of them, and I do not seek or desire them. They are, however, the foundational treasure of my faith. My beloved Trappists have bestowed a loving community, a tradition, a framework, freedom and liberty for me to live into my final earthly years (?) in growing gratitude and assurance.
This is Integrated Truth! You’ve perfectly outlined a TM practice and then described the experience of the Void, in which we find ourselves as a single point of consciousness!
The bliss of that Void is the ‘Peace that passes understanding’!
I needed this and I didn’t know I needed it. This happens rarely and I embrace the phenomenon whenever it happens. Thank you.
Perfectly explained. Beautifully presented. You are such an incredible gift to our world.
Years ago, I saw a video that featured Fr. Keating (I believe it was him, it has been more than a couple decades). He told this story...
A young monk was in his cell, sitting on his bed in Centering Prayer (which, for those reading and don't know, is a form of prayer in silence). Suddenly, he had a sense of Presence. He opened his eyes to see Jesus sitting on the foot of his bed smiling at him. It was only for an instant, but he saw it nonetheless.
What an amazing spiritual experience!
All excited, he ran out of his room to tell someone. He saw one of the old-timers coming down the hall, you know, those monks who had been around forever. Super energized, he told his story.
The wise monk listened to him, looked upon him with compassion, and then said, "I see. Don't fret about it. It's okay. You'll get past that eventually."
So, the moral of the story...
If you see Jesus sitting on the foot of your bed smiling at you, kill it.
Yes—Centering Prayer is a form of apophatic prayer, and this story captures the heart of it beautifully.
If Jesus appears at the foot of your bed during prayer, you don’t chase the moment or cling to the vision. You gently return to your sacred word and rest in stillness. Not because the vision is false, but because it isn’t the point. Even the most holy experiences are just that—experiences—and the apophatic path invites us beyond all form, image, and sensation into pure presence.
The wise monk’s advice isn’t dismissive—it’s deeply aligned with the tradition. “You’ll get past that” simply means: you’ll learn not to need it.
Let go. Return. Consent.
That’s the whole journey.
Thanks for sharing the story, Bo—it’s a gem.
Good Teacher, thank you for this beautiful writing. I believe it is the essence of Jesus’s teaching & also of the Buddha’s teaching. When we let go of everything, there is Freedom. 🕉️
This is very much the same as— if not identical to—-zen and tao
Thank-you for this. I have tried meditation but somehow, because of my Catholic history, this makes more sense to me? Does that make sense? It’s like a merging of spiritual beliefs that I needed. Would love to get your thoughts on prescience, (which I’ve experienced for good and bad) in the light of a relationship with God. And not just the guy who plays him on Substack! (Who I adore!) ☺️
Absolutely—it makes perfect sense. Many with a Catholic background find apophatic prayer familiar, even if they weren’t taught it directly. It echoes the silence and mystery that were always there beneath the surface.
You might look into Thomas Keating, who revived Centering Prayer, or Cynthia Bourgeault, whose work bridges Christian mysticism and modern practice. Both offer grounded ways to explore this path.
As for prescience—yes, that too can emerge from a deeper connection with God. It’s not always dramatic. Sometimes it’s just clarity born from stillness, a kind of spiritual sensitivity that grows when you stop trying to control and start listening.
I’ll check those out!
GRaTiTude & a BLeSsing to Y0u, ALeKSaNdeR
And meister eckhart: “When... the soul is aware that it is looking at God, loving him, and knowing him, that is already a retrogression."
MEISTER ECKHART
So thoughtful and well explained. Added several of your thoughts from this piece to my prayer journal. Thank you.
There is wisdom in your words. Thank you for the guidance. 🙏
We must send these out to as many on the earth as we can.
❤️
After your blessedly simple instructions in this post’s P.S. & several experiences with them that made me want to venture into more, I dipped the toe in the water & went to Bo McGuffee’s Lectio Divina gatherings. Got the time zone wrong the first time & showed up an hour late & he was supremely kind enuf to stay & go thru the whole process with me alone.
I showed up on time the next week & all I can say is - both experiences were almost totally. Indescribable using words, which is incredibly unusual as loquacious is my informal middle name.
Both times were heartfelt. Soul touching. And thru the centering prayer, focusing on my sacred word & just bathing in God’s presence, I cried. Not sobbing. Not grief-stricken. just simple silent tears flowing gently slowly & me, no idea why. While I’m an easy cryer, not like this before. the tears were continual. Unexpected. Not sad. No grief. Very definitely want to experience again.
I began a practice of centering/apophatic prayer over 25 years ago. The sacred word given to me in prayer at the beginning is the word I continue to use.
In addition, I practice lectio divina, continual prayer, and the Office of Compline.
I’ve been blessed with mentors—friends—women and men, monks of the Cistercian (Trappist) Order throughout this time.
In my experience, the Trappists dedicate themselves to a contemplative tradition and charism closest to Desert/Greek Orthodox mystical-spiritual origins.
William — I agree with you, and I’d add this: even though the East has its hesychasm, they sell the Jesus Prayer so hard — through books like Way of a Pilgrim — that a person often gets duped into thinking the goal is to feel the prayer magically pierce the heart and then start repeating itself on autopilot, rather than sit in silence.
It’s the same trap the West fell into with vocal prayer. The mind wants a hook, an experience, a sign of progress. But the true core of apophatic prayer — in both traditions — is consent to silence, not chasing an interior fireworks show.
Glad to see someone who’s been walking this path a while.
— Virgin Monk Boy
It is my life-long path: I had my first mystical experience sometime around my third birthday. I found myself wholly absorbed in rapt, peaceful wonder. When it came to an end, I knew somehow that it was vital and I must remember it. So I began “practicing the memory”— returning to the simple “being” of it—and have continued in it for over 70 years. That practice has awakened my nous to the Divine Presence countless times. The great majority of them have been simple and brief, rather like Brother Laurence’s, giving me a moment to step softly out of time, to be at peace, in love/light, and be grateful. A handful have been more prolonged and powerful, wherein I am wholly subsumed in love and become pure “yes!” to the One. I do not cling to memories of them, and I do not seek or desire them. They are, however, the foundational treasure of my faith. My beloved Trappists have bestowed a loving community, a tradition, a framework, freedom and liberty for me to live into my final earthly years (?) in growing gratitude and assurance.
This is Integrated Truth! You’ve perfectly outlined a TM practice and then described the experience of the Void, in which we find ourselves as a single point of consciousness!
The bliss of that Void is the ‘Peace that passes understanding’!
This was beautiful. Thank you 🕊️
Great teaching. And a great suggested practice. Thank you!