A sharp, satirical look at the booming wellness industry—from chakra cleanses to rainbow diets—and how spiritual trends have become high-priced lifestyle accessories. If your path to enlightenment comes with a receipt, you might want to read this.
And amen: "So by all means, drink your rainbow smoothie. But remember—real practice has no color palette. And freedom comes not in seven steps, but in a single unfiltered breath."
The way this biologist always understood the whole "rainbow foods/smoothies" thing was that each veg or fruit had much to offer in terms of vitamins, minerals, and other physiologically useful ingredients. Never knew it had anything to do with chakra colors... X-P
(Besides, no one really needs to "detox" unless they're in shock from an overdose or accidentally poisoned, something that demands an urgent [effective] medical response, like hospitalization. Otherwise, we have things like LIVERS, etc., that detox for us every day. ;)
Well, I suppose a 12-hour-day coal miner or someone in a heavily polluted urban area, perhaps; but like with many other things, a thorough detox would require an actual lifestyle change.)
Got a couple of goats here, very good for spiritual development, yours for £1000 each, guaranteed results, vegan friendly currently located in the Lincolnshire Himalayas.
This is the cleanse I didn’t know I needed—one that scrapes “late-stage capitalism dressed in hemp pants” right off the palate.
You nailed the paradox: modern wellness sells liberation by reinforcing the very insecurity it promises to dissolve. The more sacred the marketing copy, the steeper the up-sell. (Side note: any detox that costs more than my laptop is probably just a subscription to expensive diarrhea.)
Thank you for reminding us that the only truly activated ingredient is discernment. May we all remember that forgiveness is free, a good cry costs nothing, and enlightenment has never required a promo code.
This one put me through rigorous laughing therapy early in the morning...
It opened my Sahasrara Chakra (I am positive because I see rainbow lights everywhere), without any particular posture or mantra ( rolling on the floor was one)....
This reads like "The Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce in parts and for the rest of it a lot of tickle punches ....
🤣 been there, seen that but haven’t done any of that . . . I don’t think. 🤔 I think I’d remember wouldn’t I? Actually, the song I’ve been hearing in my head recently comes to mind again “if religion were a thing that money could buy, the rich would live and the poor would die”. Nope! Salvation, healing, freedom, sanity, joy, serenity and spiritual connection are not for sale and can’t be purchased. 🙏
Thank you Monk for your brutal takedown of mercenary medicine, masquerading as missionary work. I laughed so much I spilt my Matcha-Turmeric broth, as I sat underneath my chakra adjusting tree (an old cherimoya tree in my backyard) before hitting the road to earn my daily bread.I am working with rural clergy who need common sense self-care, usually ancient training with basic self-care in the guise of theology- after you touch unintended and unfamiliar people’s body fluids - why is the Bible so preoccupied with sex ?-(spouse and child exempted by pastoral dispensation), you are “unclean”- read- infected, until proven otherwise after a day’s restriction and observation. If serious signs appear, such as fever, rash, etc, by 3 -7 days observation, followed by a review by your local priest.
Leviticus 15:2 (NLT)
2 “Give the following instructions to the people of Israel.
“Any man who has a bodily discharge (nocturnal ejaculation) is ceremonially unclean.
Leviticus 15:11 (NLT)
11 If the man touches you without first rinsing his hands, you must wash your clothes and bathe yourself in water, and you will remain unclean until evening.
All this would work as a basic public health manual for infection control, if you removed Leviticus and credited CDC, WHO, ABC, XYZ, etc. This is a cheap and easily available treatment modality that can be practiced by both princes and paupers. After copious readings, and rejection of 60 % of the treatments as being too erudite and only accessible to the rich- cryotherapy, hyperbaric chamber, , ( https://www.thetruthbehindcancerstore.com/product/hyperbaric-oxygen-chamber-hardshell- $28,000, etc, ) and therefore pure capitalism on steroids! My ancestors survived in the East African plateau (cradle of mankind is in Olduvai Gorge in Northern Kenya),on natural foods and herbs. They were okay until our civilizers and missionaries- (many well-intentioned ) brought us strange diseases. We could handle the local stuff. Tonsillectomy was done by specialists- the best ones known for their sepsis-free work and hence no inflammation or fever post-op for the patient. Many Kikuyus born in the 1960s remember this. The kikuyu community would let young goats sleep in the same hut were the children slept on the floor. The alkaline urine of the goats would create an inhospitable environment on the floor for jiggers/chiggers (sand fleas that would burrow into the people feet and disable an entire age group)- don’t goole jigger infestation if you do not want to ruin your smug middle class sensibilities. The local mantra was that only the poor’s children (hence goat-less) were susceptible to jigger infestation. It works and is based on fungible research methodology. Any treatment not available to the needy at minimal cost, tends to be a cash-grab by some NGO/Nonprofit do-gooders with language of Jesus and the Dalai Lama or even St Mandela thrown in for double measure. Oppressive capitalism will exploit, buddha, mohammed, moses, and even the virgin monk boy to sell crap to the needy who are often desperate and willing to sell the family cow, to heal grandma,who dies anyway, and the family is left destitute. Let’s crowd-research treatments that are available to the local poor, and we can be sure that we are fighting the good fight, and truly pursuing life, not merely avoiding death. Hit me up and have fun with Leviticus 13. Remove your blinders and read it as a public health service to protect people in the wilderness who not have plumbing or disinfectant sprays.
Disinfectant sprays can be "gotten used to" by the things they're trying to wipe out because germs evolve... :-/ If I have to use antibiotics, I prefer them to be topically administered, like many other cures. That way, my body doesn't "get used to" something because its entire systems don't kick in to "protect me" from something foreign (pills only if entirely necessary, and not very often).
I dig all kinds of "herbal remedies" as long as there's chemistry, biology, etc. behind them; if someone tells me, "Eat this! It's good for your lungs!" I want to know /how/. "Will it help ease my bronchial spasms? Will it cut down on [or increase, if needed] mucus production?" etc. "Nope! It just looks like a lung! :D" "Ah. Magic. No thanks." or, "Okay, I could probably use a good dose of vitamin C. :)"
A couple of weeks ago I had a conversation with a friend about spiritual consumerism. It seems people are all about acquiring spiritual experiences, but the moment they hear that a deeper spirituality is going to take discipline, they balk. It's unfortunate.
Discipline or a lifestyle change...rather like if they really want to lose weight once and for all. "Is there like a pill I can just take?" "Nope. Just reduce the amount of calories you take in and increase the amount of calories you 'burn'." ">sigh< I'll pass..."
Ah, yes, big fan of the cry in the bathtub practice here! Super affordable, readily available, and 'cleansing' in the best way possible.
LOVED!!!!😂<3
And amen: "So by all means, drink your rainbow smoothie. But remember—real practice has no color palette. And freedom comes not in seven steps, but in a single unfiltered breath."
The way this biologist always understood the whole "rainbow foods/smoothies" thing was that each veg or fruit had much to offer in terms of vitamins, minerals, and other physiologically useful ingredients. Never knew it had anything to do with chakra colors... X-P
(Besides, no one really needs to "detox" unless they're in shock from an overdose or accidentally poisoned, something that demands an urgent [effective] medical response, like hospitalization. Otherwise, we have things like LIVERS, etc., that detox for us every day. ;)
Well, I suppose a 12-hour-day coal miner or someone in a heavily polluted urban area, perhaps; but like with many other things, a thorough detox would require an actual lifestyle change.)
Smashed it! (And not just the alabaster jar.) A masterpiece of spiritual satire, thank you!
Got a couple of goats here, very good for spiritual development, yours for £1000 each, guaranteed results, vegan friendly currently located in the Lincolnshire Himalayas.
Rarely read this fast and had so many laughs from
The first word to the last. This is bliss
This is the cleanse I didn’t know I needed—one that scrapes “late-stage capitalism dressed in hemp pants” right off the palate.
You nailed the paradox: modern wellness sells liberation by reinforcing the very insecurity it promises to dissolve. The more sacred the marketing copy, the steeper the up-sell. (Side note: any detox that costs more than my laptop is probably just a subscription to expensive diarrhea.)
Thank you for reminding us that the only truly activated ingredient is discernment. May we all remember that forgiveness is free, a good cry costs nothing, and enlightenment has never required a promo code.
This one put me through rigorous laughing therapy early in the morning...
It opened my Sahasrara Chakra (I am positive because I see rainbow lights everywhere), without any particular posture or mantra ( rolling on the floor was one)....
This reads like "The Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce in parts and for the rest of it a lot of tickle punches ....
Oh I loved it... Thank you 🙏
(And Himalayan goats are safe for the moment..)
I I always love to read what you’ve written! Keep it coming. Please 🙏🏿
🤣 been there, seen that but haven’t done any of that . . . I don’t think. 🤔 I think I’d remember wouldn’t I? Actually, the song I’ve been hearing in my head recently comes to mind again “if religion were a thing that money could buy, the rich would live and the poor would die”. Nope! Salvation, healing, freedom, sanity, joy, serenity and spiritual connection are not for sale and can’t be purchased. 🙏
"All My Trials" by Peter, Paul, and Mary! I /thought/ I'd recognized that referent... :)
And being not for sale and can't be purchased means anyone can get "into" them for cheap (= free)! :D
Absolute belly laughter. What a damn good share thank you 🤣🌹
Hilarious! With such a potent kick of truth.
Thank you Monk for your brutal takedown of mercenary medicine, masquerading as missionary work. I laughed so much I spilt my Matcha-Turmeric broth, as I sat underneath my chakra adjusting tree (an old cherimoya tree in my backyard) before hitting the road to earn my daily bread.I am working with rural clergy who need common sense self-care, usually ancient training with basic self-care in the guise of theology- after you touch unintended and unfamiliar people’s body fluids - why is the Bible so preoccupied with sex ?-(spouse and child exempted by pastoral dispensation), you are “unclean”- read- infected, until proven otherwise after a day’s restriction and observation. If serious signs appear, such as fever, rash, etc, by 3 -7 days observation, followed by a review by your local priest.
Leviticus 15:2 (NLT)
2 “Give the following instructions to the people of Israel.
“Any man who has a bodily discharge (nocturnal ejaculation) is ceremonially unclean.
Leviticus 15:11 (NLT)
11 If the man touches you without first rinsing his hands, you must wash your clothes and bathe yourself in water, and you will remain unclean until evening.
All this would work as a basic public health manual for infection control, if you removed Leviticus and credited CDC, WHO, ABC, XYZ, etc. This is a cheap and easily available treatment modality that can be practiced by both princes and paupers. After copious readings, and rejection of 60 % of the treatments as being too erudite and only accessible to the rich- cryotherapy, hyperbaric chamber, , ( https://www.thetruthbehindcancerstore.com/product/hyperbaric-oxygen-chamber-hardshell- $28,000, etc, ) and therefore pure capitalism on steroids! My ancestors survived in the East African plateau (cradle of mankind is in Olduvai Gorge in Northern Kenya),on natural foods and herbs. They were okay until our civilizers and missionaries- (many well-intentioned ) brought us strange diseases. We could handle the local stuff. Tonsillectomy was done by specialists- the best ones known for their sepsis-free work and hence no inflammation or fever post-op for the patient. Many Kikuyus born in the 1960s remember this. The kikuyu community would let young goats sleep in the same hut were the children slept on the floor. The alkaline urine of the goats would create an inhospitable environment on the floor for jiggers/chiggers (sand fleas that would burrow into the people feet and disable an entire age group)- don’t goole jigger infestation if you do not want to ruin your smug middle class sensibilities. The local mantra was that only the poor’s children (hence goat-less) were susceptible to jigger infestation. It works and is based on fungible research methodology. Any treatment not available to the needy at minimal cost, tends to be a cash-grab by some NGO/Nonprofit do-gooders with language of Jesus and the Dalai Lama or even St Mandela thrown in for double measure. Oppressive capitalism will exploit, buddha, mohammed, moses, and even the virgin monk boy to sell crap to the needy who are often desperate and willing to sell the family cow, to heal grandma,who dies anyway, and the family is left destitute. Let’s crowd-research treatments that are available to the local poor, and we can be sure that we are fighting the good fight, and truly pursuing life, not merely avoiding death. Hit me up and have fun with Leviticus 13. Remove your blinders and read it as a public health service to protect people in the wilderness who not have plumbing or disinfectant sprays.
Disinfectant sprays can be "gotten used to" by the things they're trying to wipe out because germs evolve... :-/ If I have to use antibiotics, I prefer them to be topically administered, like many other cures. That way, my body doesn't "get used to" something because its entire systems don't kick in to "protect me" from something foreign (pills only if entirely necessary, and not very often).
I dig all kinds of "herbal remedies" as long as there's chemistry, biology, etc. behind them; if someone tells me, "Eat this! It's good for your lungs!" I want to know /how/. "Will it help ease my bronchial spasms? Will it cut down on [or increase, if needed] mucus production?" etc. "Nope! It just looks like a lung! :D" "Ah. Magic. No thanks." or, "Okay, I could probably use a good dose of vitamin C. :)"
Love your approach, good sir! :)
Y’all be careful with them tofu products now, y’hear?
Yeah, especially considering like 90+% of our soy products in the U.S. come from GMOed beans... :-/
😂😂😂👌🏼
A couple of weeks ago I had a conversation with a friend about spiritual consumerism. It seems people are all about acquiring spiritual experiences, but the moment they hear that a deeper spirituality is going to take discipline, they balk. It's unfortunate.
Discipline or a lifestyle change...rather like if they really want to lose weight once and for all. "Is there like a pill I can just take?" "Nope. Just reduce the amount of calories you take in and increase the amount of calories you 'burn'." ">sigh< I'll pass..."
Brilliant brilliant brilliant!
Indulgence Marketing jus’ got checked ✔️