🌙 Psalm 4: You Enlarged Me in Distress
(retransmitted by Virgin Monk Boy after throwing his phone across the room and lighting a candle instead)
1
Answer me when I call
not because I deserve it
but because I am tired of pretending I don't need you
You held space for me
when the world shrank to a tight breath and a shallow heart
You enlarged me in my constriction
not by fixing it
but by sitting with me in the ache
Be gracious
not because you owe me
but because grace is what you are
2
How long will I keep handing my worth to strangers
measuring my soul by how well I perform in rooms that do not see me?
I chase shadows
then wonder why I feel unseen
3
But You have set me apart
not above
not beyond
just within
You know me
not as a file in a drawer
but as your own unfolding
When I remember that
I do not have to shout
4
I tremble
and do not run
I tremble
and stay
I offer silence instead of sacrifice
I let go instead of proving
5
Many say
Who will show us good things?
But I say
The light of your presence is already upon us
not as reward
but as reminder
6
You have placed joy in my chest
deeper than serotonin
more faithful than success
Even when the harvest is thin
and the wine runs dry
this joy does not leave
7
I lie down in peace
and sleep comes
not because the world is safe
but because I no longer need it to be
You dwell in me
and I am enough
even in the dark
—Virgin Monk Boy
(who stopped doomscrolling and fell into God instead)
“I chase shadows then wonder why I feel unseen” felt like a punch in the gut of truth 🤣
I am tired of pretending i don’t need you (no energy left)
Sitting with me in the ache (who does that?)
This joy does not leave (longing for that forever)
Sleep comes not because the world is safe
But because I no longer need it to be. (Faith I’ve always dreamed of)
I am enough even in the dark (do i dare to believe that?)
Oversleeping till after noon, waking up to this took my breath away literally - sounds corny but often i AM corny & sometimes itz really true & does happen (at least to me). Also no coffee yet, still in bed - those comments in parentheses were too loud to stay in my head & escaped, proof of my ego’s mouthy wounds, incredulous & refusing to accept what heals me. I wonder what would happen if i allowed myself to surrender, believe & read this every day & nite?
(Guaranteed i will not throw my phone across the room, done that too many times, sometimes I DO learn)
Gratitude is spilling out of me out of the bed flooding the cluttered little house with it. I do wanna see the chiropractor but i just wanna tape these words, lay in the bathtub & listen to it on an eternal loop. 🪷