When Matt Walsh hears the phrase “they/them,” his nervous system short-circuits like a gendered Roomba in a queer theory lecture. What follows? A 7-hour trance, fake tweets from Ben Shapiro, and an emergency exorcism performed by Brett Cooper.
I suspect that one of the stages of advanced toxic masculinity is that to avoid the slightest suggestion of anything homosexual, their anuses have healed over, resulting in them being permanently full of crap.
And yet most people in the West agree with Matt and think you guys are at best deluded and at worst demonic. And the tide is turning. #Pennstate #CassReport #PRIDEnosediving #Surreypride organizer arrested for child abuse (Quelle surprise)
Ah yes, “most people in the West” — the sacred metric of all that is righteous and holy. Just like “everybody knows” used to justify leeches, lobotomies, and burning left-handed children at the stake.
You quote hashtags like scripture and talk tides like you’re Poseidon in a MAGA hat. But here’s the thing, Haefty boy — the tide is turning, just not in the direction you think. It’s turning away from fear-drenched dogma and toward actual human dignity. Away from authoritarian cosplay and back toward embodied compassion.
If you need a report to tell you who deserves love, you’re not reading the right gospels. And if your theology demands that others be dehumanized so you can feel holy, then congratulations — you’ve confused spiritual conviction with clickbait rage addiction.
You say demonic like it’s an insult. But sweetheart, demons in the old texts were often just misunderstood messengers — sacred chaos showing up to challenge the status quo. You should be grateful we showed up at all. We could’ve just let you keep shouting into your echo chamber of hashtags and half-truths.
But hey, if you ever want to trade fear for freedom and hashtags for heart wisdom — the monastery doors are open. Mind the glitter on the threshold.
Would you like the opinion polling on men in women sports? Would you like the opinion polling on parents reacting to ideological, gender, pornography in classrooms? Housing male rapist in women’s prisons has very to do with love or dignity? The tide is turning. Very soon you will be back in your cess pit. Meanwhile, please stay away from children.
Ah yes, the greatest hits of modern moral panic, now available in one convenient comment. Let’s break it down, shall we?
“Would you like the opinion polling on men in women’s sports?”
No, thank you. I’ve already seen enough polls manipulated like a televangelist’s tax forms. But even so, civil rights aren't a popularity contest. If they were, interracial marriage, voting rights, and women wearing pants would’ve all failed the vibe check.
“Opinion polling on parents reacting to ideological, gender, pornography in classrooms?”
Big words, spooky music. But beneath the fog, it’s usually just a teacher saying, “Hey kids, some people are different, and that’s okay.” If your worldview is so fragile a children’s book can shatter it, maybe it’s time to upgrade your theology from cassette to cloud-based.
“Housing male rapists in women’s prisons…”
Ah, the scarecrow argument. Take one rare, complicated situation, strip it of nuance, and set it on fire to scare the villagers. It's a bold move, Cotton, but compassion-based prison reform isn’t about coddling. It’s about protecting everyone, including trans folks who face staggering rates of assault behind bars.
“The tide is turning.”
Tides do turn, darling. That’s the nature of water. It flows where there’s least resistance. And guess what? Your fear-fueled righteousness is beginning to crack like a drought-struck lakebed.
“Back in your cess pit.”
Cess pits are sacred in the monastery. Fertile ground. Compost for prophets. While you’re polishing your polls, we’ll be over here planting wildflowers in the ruins of empire.
“Stay away from children.”
Sweetheart, if the bar for who should “stay away from children” is people who believe in love, nuance, and bodily autonomy, then you’d have exiled Jesus himself. Go reread the part where he said, “Let the children come unto me,” not “Let them conform to your binary or else.”
You're not defending children. You’re defending a worldview that’s terrified of transformation.
And yet… the monastery door remains open. But please, remove your shoes, your hashtags, and your projections before entering.
Oh dear. When reason leaves the building, projection shows up and tries to redecorate.
Let’s not pretend your accusations are clever. Screaming “deviant cult” at everyone who disagrees with you is the intellectual equivalent of throwing alphabet soup at a chalkboard and calling it research. You’re not arguing—you’re flailing.
You talk of “facts” while refusing to engage with nuance. You brand anyone outside your comfort zone as dangerous, while clutching your worldview like a security blanket soaked in conspiracy.
But let me offer you a gentle heresy:
Not everyone who believes in dignity, nuance, and inclusion is part of a cult.
Some of us just stopped confusing nostalgia for morality.
Your fear of others is not a spiritual gift. It’s a wound—one that’s festered into ideology. But wounds can heal. Even yours.
So while you try to smear us with mud, we’ll keep planting gardens with it. Your tantrum is noted, your hashtags are tired, and your outrage is loud—but love is patient. And much harder to kill than you think.
You’re welcome to stay and keep shouting.
We’ll be over here washing feet, feeding outcasts, and refusing to return fire—because that’s how our cult rolls.
Blessed be the misunderstood,
for they remind us why the gospel was never meant to be safe.
I suspect that one of the stages of advanced toxic masculinity is that to avoid the slightest suggestion of anything homosexual, their anuses have healed over, resulting in them being permanently full of crap.
The Hand of God has Rainbow Glitter Nailpolish on its fingernails.
Gorgeous image, can't wait to see with my own eyes 😍 😉
BRILLIANT! Mary Magdalene is just so proud! I won’t be surprised if she and JC want a threesome with you! Great stuff!
So is this toxic under-masculinity?
Either way, thank goodness for flannel.
So funny! Really, was that a monastery you studied at or a comedy workshop?Good weapon — MAGA hates to be laughed at!🔥
Hilarious read! Thanks!
Outstanding writing, once again, Virgin Monk Boy!
Wow. Just wow. Amen for free speech, am I right?
Brilliant satire! 👏
🤣😂😅😆 help I can't stop laffing
😆☮️
And yet most people in the West agree with Matt and think you guys are at best deluded and at worst demonic. And the tide is turning. #Pennstate #CassReport #PRIDEnosediving #Surreypride organizer arrested for child abuse (Quelle surprise)
Ah yes, “most people in the West” — the sacred metric of all that is righteous and holy. Just like “everybody knows” used to justify leeches, lobotomies, and burning left-handed children at the stake.
You quote hashtags like scripture and talk tides like you’re Poseidon in a MAGA hat. But here’s the thing, Haefty boy — the tide is turning, just not in the direction you think. It’s turning away from fear-drenched dogma and toward actual human dignity. Away from authoritarian cosplay and back toward embodied compassion.
If you need a report to tell you who deserves love, you’re not reading the right gospels. And if your theology demands that others be dehumanized so you can feel holy, then congratulations — you’ve confused spiritual conviction with clickbait rage addiction.
You say demonic like it’s an insult. But sweetheart, demons in the old texts were often just misunderstood messengers — sacred chaos showing up to challenge the status quo. You should be grateful we showed up at all. We could’ve just let you keep shouting into your echo chamber of hashtags and half-truths.
But hey, if you ever want to trade fear for freedom and hashtags for heart wisdom — the monastery doors are open. Mind the glitter on the threshold.
Blessed be the deluded,
for they shall inherit the comment section.
Drivel
Would you like the opinion polling on men in women sports? Would you like the opinion polling on parents reacting to ideological, gender, pornography in classrooms? Housing male rapist in women’s prisons has very to do with love or dignity? The tide is turning. Very soon you will be back in your cess pit. Meanwhile, please stay away from children.
Ah yes, the greatest hits of modern moral panic, now available in one convenient comment. Let’s break it down, shall we?
“Would you like the opinion polling on men in women’s sports?”
No, thank you. I’ve already seen enough polls manipulated like a televangelist’s tax forms. But even so, civil rights aren't a popularity contest. If they were, interracial marriage, voting rights, and women wearing pants would’ve all failed the vibe check.
“Opinion polling on parents reacting to ideological, gender, pornography in classrooms?”
Big words, spooky music. But beneath the fog, it’s usually just a teacher saying, “Hey kids, some people are different, and that’s okay.” If your worldview is so fragile a children’s book can shatter it, maybe it’s time to upgrade your theology from cassette to cloud-based.
“Housing male rapists in women’s prisons…”
Ah, the scarecrow argument. Take one rare, complicated situation, strip it of nuance, and set it on fire to scare the villagers. It's a bold move, Cotton, but compassion-based prison reform isn’t about coddling. It’s about protecting everyone, including trans folks who face staggering rates of assault behind bars.
“The tide is turning.”
Tides do turn, darling. That’s the nature of water. It flows where there’s least resistance. And guess what? Your fear-fueled righteousness is beginning to crack like a drought-struck lakebed.
“Back in your cess pit.”
Cess pits are sacred in the monastery. Fertile ground. Compost for prophets. While you’re polishing your polls, we’ll be over here planting wildflowers in the ruins of empire.
“Stay away from children.”
Sweetheart, if the bar for who should “stay away from children” is people who believe in love, nuance, and bodily autonomy, then you’d have exiled Jesus himself. Go reread the part where he said, “Let the children come unto me,” not “Let them conform to your binary or else.”
You're not defending children. You’re defending a worldview that’s terrified of transformation.
And yet… the monastery door remains open. But please, remove your shoes, your hashtags, and your projections before entering.
Blessed be the compost,
for it shall bloom with resistance.
Oh dear. When reason leaves the building, projection shows up and tries to redecorate.
Let’s not pretend your accusations are clever. Screaming “deviant cult” at everyone who disagrees with you is the intellectual equivalent of throwing alphabet soup at a chalkboard and calling it research. You’re not arguing—you’re flailing.
You talk of “facts” while refusing to engage with nuance. You brand anyone outside your comfort zone as dangerous, while clutching your worldview like a security blanket soaked in conspiracy.
But let me offer you a gentle heresy:
Not everyone who believes in dignity, nuance, and inclusion is part of a cult.
Some of us just stopped confusing nostalgia for morality.
Your fear of others is not a spiritual gift. It’s a wound—one that’s festered into ideology. But wounds can heal. Even yours.
So while you try to smear us with mud, we’ll keep planting gardens with it. Your tantrum is noted, your hashtags are tired, and your outrage is loud—but love is patient. And much harder to kill than you think.
You’re welcome to stay and keep shouting.
We’ll be over here washing feet, feeding outcasts, and refusing to return fire—because that’s how our cult rolls.
Blessed be the misunderstood,
for they remind us why the gospel was never meant to be safe.