This helped me because it does not treat desire like something shameful. In the path of remembrance, desire is not the enemy. The nafs grabs, clings, and tries to possess, but the longing itself may be pointing toward Allah if the heart is allowed to be polished. That turn from “How do I keep this?” to “How do I love this?” feels important. It is not about killing desire. It is about letting desire be purified until it becomes less about possession and more about love.
Great post. I used to be a little wary of eros in spirituality but I've had a change of heart over the last couple of years. I can't help wondering about eros and God. If God has given me the gift of life because God is so good and purely giving, that's nice of God. But if God did it partly because God really wants me, desires me, desires that I be part of God's community of love, that's way better (to me, to my feeling loved) than just God being nice and full of agape. To think that God actually wants me - wow! That makes all the difference.
If christianity forbade it, then it's probably good for us and should be totally redeemed. In my experience what the church took away is what was part of our beauty to begin with. So much for Toxic Religion - You're Done!!!
Danke schön for a giant AHA moment. As I get to know Magdalene, as I NEVER did (no surprise), going to Lutheran church every Sunday growing up, & I read & listen to books about her & for the first time ever imagine what she experienced before, during & after the crucifixion - it stirs up memories of my own passionate dramas in my life. Of course none of them approached what she lived thru, tho drama queen that i was (at least before i got sober) one observing me would think so. With that long history of an overly dramatic romantic streak, even spiritually, one sentence was like a Truth balloon popping.
“The future refuses to follow the script we carefully wrote for it.”
Explains everything. Changes everything. Enjoying a gratitude bath. Better late than never. 💔❤️🩹♥️🫶
Maybe I am working from a different beginning point. I agree with the movement from possession to presence. But I disagree that Eros is mearly physical possesive love.
If God is love, it seems like all good categories of love are God. I see the devolving into unhealthy aspects or possession and control as a human phycological issue.
If mature love does not include desire, it reads to me like a motivational sign. It seems to me that getting to agape requires the continuing presence of Eros. From my "eros" for God comes my ability to have "agape" for all God loves. I see the agape as coexisting with eros.
Thanks for this! I've never thought of these two as part of a spectrum, and I'm really intrigued to reflect on them in this way. And this is the second time today that I've seen Presence (with a capital P) indicating something sacred. I plan to settle with that in my heart for a bit.
Beautifully written. My takeaway is to listen to my desires because what they are on the surface is not necessarily what they are about on a deeper level.
Thank you! I was elated to read your words in support of desire. You say such great things! I couldn’t agree more with the points you made. Desire is the way our hearts were meant to reach. Yes! Suppressing it is not spiritual; it’s a way to get stuck.
Desire itself can be a beautiful gift of love. To be wanted is a wonderful thing. And isn’t it the saddest thing to hear a person say, “Nobody wants me”? We all want to be wanted. Being desired makes us feel desirable. Not to mention that desiring and being desired create an abundance of energy and aliveness. Desire adds fuel to anything we pursue in life.
You say, “One of the hardest lessons in life is discovering that love and possession are not the same thing.“ Yes! It’s a token of maturity to get to this point. Becoming aware of the difference is actually key to keeping desire alive.
Possessiveness is a selfish twist on wanting, and as such, it’s not a necessary part of desire. In other words, we can choose to be grabby when we “want what we want,” or we can simply keep desiring without getting grabby.
We need to love those we desire without trying to limit them, possess them, or tug on them inappropriately. If we fail to truly care for the people we desire, we end up hurting them. To put their best interest first is the moral test of passionately loving, not only in a romantic context, but in every relationship of high affinity.
The main reason people get suspicious of desire is the very selfishness it gets twisted into. To be on the receiving end of possessiveness, jealousy, and toxic attachment is no fun at all. We suppress desire because, compassionately, we don’t want to dish out the toxified form of it. But suppression is not the final answer. The embers of desire are not that easy to put out. They remain in our hearts even if suppressed. To reignite desire, we need to be responsible for staying the course and keeping the selfish impulses in check when desire raises its beautiful head again.
Thank you! I was elated to read your words in support of desire. You say such great things! I couldn’t agree more with the points you made. Desire is the way our hearts were meant to reach. Yes! Suppressing it is not spiritual; it’s a way to get stuck.
Desire itself can be a beautiful gift of love. To be wanted is a wonderful thing. And isn’t it the saddest thing to hear a person say, “Nobody wants me”? We all want to be wanted. Being desired makes us feel desirable. Not to mention that desiring and being desired create an abundance of energy and aliveness. Desire adds fuel to anything we pursue in life.
You say, “One of the hardest lessons in life is discovering that love and possession are not the same thing.“ Yes! It’s a token of maturity to get to this point. Becoming aware of the difference is actually key to keeping desire alive.
Possessiveness is a selfish twist on wanting, and as such, it’s not a necessary part of desire. In other words, we can choose to be grabby when we “want what we want,” or we can simply keep desiring without getting grabby.
We need to love those we desire without trying to limit them, possess them, or tug on them inappropriately. If we fail to truly care for the people we desire, we end up hurting them. To put their best interest first is the moral test of passionately loving, not only in a romantic context, but in every relationship of high affinity.
The main reason people get suspicious of desire is the very selfishness it gets twisted into. To be on the receiving end of possessiveness, jealousy, and toxic attachment is no fun at all. We suppress desire because, compassionately, we don’t want to dish out the toxified form of it. But suppression is not the final answer. The embers of desire are not that easy to put out. They remain in our hearts even if suppressed. To reignite desire, we need to be responsible for staying the course and keeping the selfish impulses in check when desire raises its beautiful head again.
This helped me because it does not treat desire like something shameful. In the path of remembrance, desire is not the enemy. The nafs grabs, clings, and tries to possess, but the longing itself may be pointing toward Allah if the heart is allowed to be polished. That turn from “How do I keep this?” to “How do I love this?” feels important. It is not about killing desire. It is about letting desire be purified until it becomes less about possession and more about love.
Great post. I used to be a little wary of eros in spirituality but I've had a change of heart over the last couple of years. I can't help wondering about eros and God. If God has given me the gift of life because God is so good and purely giving, that's nice of God. But if God did it partly because God really wants me, desires me, desires that I be part of God's community of love, that's way better (to me, to my feeling loved) than just God being nice and full of agape. To think that God actually wants me - wow! That makes all the difference.
If christianity forbade it, then it's probably good for us and should be totally redeemed. In my experience what the church took away is what was part of our beauty to begin with. So much for Toxic Religion - You're Done!!!
Thought-provoking and beautifully said.
Danke schön for a giant AHA moment. As I get to know Magdalene, as I NEVER did (no surprise), going to Lutheran church every Sunday growing up, & I read & listen to books about her & for the first time ever imagine what she experienced before, during & after the crucifixion - it stirs up memories of my own passionate dramas in my life. Of course none of them approached what she lived thru, tho drama queen that i was (at least before i got sober) one observing me would think so. With that long history of an overly dramatic romantic streak, even spiritually, one sentence was like a Truth balloon popping.
“The future refuses to follow the script we carefully wrote for it.”
Explains everything. Changes everything. Enjoying a gratitude bath. Better late than never. 💔❤️🩹♥️🫶
Maybe I am working from a different beginning point. I agree with the movement from possession to presence. But I disagree that Eros is mearly physical possesive love.
If God is love, it seems like all good categories of love are God. I see the devolving into unhealthy aspects or possession and control as a human phycological issue.
If mature love does not include desire, it reads to me like a motivational sign. It seems to me that getting to agape requires the continuing presence of Eros. From my "eros" for God comes my ability to have "agape" for all God loves. I see the agape as coexisting with eros.
Thanks for this! I've never thought of these two as part of a spectrum, and I'm really intrigued to reflect on them in this way. And this is the second time today that I've seen Presence (with a capital P) indicating something sacred. I plan to settle with that in my heart for a bit.
Beautifully written. My takeaway is to listen to my desires because what they are on the surface is not necessarily what they are about on a deeper level.
Your post inspired me to publish a poem written by my teacher. I think you may like it.
The Cause of Becoming by David Truman.
https://humanityinsideout.substack.com/p/the-cause-of-becoming
Thank you! I was elated to read your words in support of desire. You say such great things! I couldn’t agree more with the points you made. Desire is the way our hearts were meant to reach. Yes! Suppressing it is not spiritual; it’s a way to get stuck.
Desire itself can be a beautiful gift of love. To be wanted is a wonderful thing. And isn’t it the saddest thing to hear a person say, “Nobody wants me”? We all want to be wanted. Being desired makes us feel desirable. Not to mention that desiring and being desired create an abundance of energy and aliveness. Desire adds fuel to anything we pursue in life.
You say, “One of the hardest lessons in life is discovering that love and possession are not the same thing.“ Yes! It’s a token of maturity to get to this point. Becoming aware of the difference is actually key to keeping desire alive.
Possessiveness is a selfish twist on wanting, and as such, it’s not a necessary part of desire. In other words, we can choose to be grabby when we “want what we want,” or we can simply keep desiring without getting grabby.
We need to love those we desire without trying to limit them, possess them, or tug on them inappropriately. If we fail to truly care for the people we desire, we end up hurting them. To put their best interest first is the moral test of passionately loving, not only in a romantic context, but in every relationship of high affinity.
The main reason people get suspicious of desire is the very selfishness it gets twisted into. To be on the receiving end of possessiveness, jealousy, and toxic attachment is no fun at all. We suppress desire because, compassionately, we don’t want to dish out the toxified form of it. But suppression is not the final answer. The embers of desire are not that easy to put out. They remain in our hearts even if suppressed. To reignite desire, we need to be responsible for staying the course and keeping the selfish impulses in check when desire raises its beautiful head again.
Thank you! I was elated to read your words in support of desire. You say such great things! I couldn’t agree more with the points you made. Desire is the way our hearts were meant to reach. Yes! Suppressing it is not spiritual; it’s a way to get stuck.
Desire itself can be a beautiful gift of love. To be wanted is a wonderful thing. And isn’t it the saddest thing to hear a person say, “Nobody wants me”? We all want to be wanted. Being desired makes us feel desirable. Not to mention that desiring and being desired create an abundance of energy and aliveness. Desire adds fuel to anything we pursue in life.
You say, “One of the hardest lessons in life is discovering that love and possession are not the same thing.“ Yes! It’s a token of maturity to get to this point. Becoming aware of the difference is actually key to keeping desire alive.
Possessiveness is a selfish twist on wanting, and as such, it’s not a necessary part of desire. In other words, we can choose to be grabby when we “want what we want,” or we can simply keep desiring without getting grabby.
We need to love those we desire without trying to limit them, possess them, or tug on them inappropriately. If we fail to truly care for the people we desire, we end up hurting them. To put their best interest first is the moral test of passionately loving, not only in a romantic context, but in every relationship of high affinity.
The main reason people get suspicious of desire is the very selfishness it gets twisted into. To be on the receiving end of possessiveness, jealousy, and toxic attachment is no fun at all. We suppress desire because, compassionately, we don’t want to dish out the toxified form of it. But suppression is not the final answer. The embers of desire are not that easy to put out. They remain in our hearts even if suppressed. To reignite desire, we need to be responsible for staying the course and keeping the selfish impulses in check when desire raises its beautiful head again.