📚Canonized Saints – Order of Virgin Monk Boy
Compiled under the Sacred Supervision of Virgin Monk Boy, Keeper of the Eternal Roast
🌈✨ SAINTS OF THE HOLY ORDER ✨🌈
(Click on Image For Prayer)
1. St. Kevin of the Rainbow Rebuke
🕯️ Patron Saint of Fabricated Facebook Facts, Mustache Miracles, and Accidental Pride Icons
🔹 Notable Miracles:
– Memes without sources that still summon arguments
– Rainbow hair via divine satire
– Became an icon without consent
📜 Bestowed Titles:
– The Blessed Curmudgeon of Caps Lock
– Defender of the Comment Section
– Saint of “I Did My Own Research”
2. St. Terry of the Passive-Aggressive Prayer Chain
🕯️ Patron Saint of Weaponized Scripture, Crockpot Evangelism, and “Thoughts & Prayers (But Mostly Judgments)”
🔹 Notable Miracles:
– Telepathic side-eyes
– Converted a gossip thread into a “prayer circle”
– Reprimanded three generations using only Proverbs
📜 Bestowed Titles:
– Our Lady of Subtle Shade
– First Nun of the Fellowship Hall Finger Wag
– Divine Dispatcher of Chain Emails and Passive Notes
3. St. Keith of the Infinite Inconvenience
🕯️ Patron Saint of Poor Wi-Fi, Unreturned Calls, and That One Sock You Always Lose
🔹 Notable Miracles:
– Caused three printers to jam simply by entering the room
– Missed every important Zoom call by 47 seconds
– Was once almost helpful, but fate intervened
📜 Bestowed Titles:
– Seraphim of Spilled Coffee
– Duke of Double-Booked Calendars
– Lord of “Sorry, Just Saw This Text”
St. Greg of the Unshaken Certainty📘
Patron Saint of Misquoted Philosophers, Internet Debates, and Wisdom Without Context
🔹 Notable Miracles:
– Refuted an entire doctoral thesis using a meme and no punctuation
– Survived 17 Facebook bans with only a VPN and sheer willpower
– Converted a yoga thread into a lecture on Roman economics📜 Bestowed Titles:
– Oracle of Overexplaining
– Grandmaster of the Tangent Scroll
– Defender of the One True Context (his)🌀 May your arguments be short and your citations un-Googled in his holy presence.
5. St. Brian of the Radiant Beard
🕯️ Patron Saint of Silent Sass, Rainbow Beards, and Unbothered Enlightenment
🔹 Notable Miracles:
– Grew a perfect Pride beard in 12 hours during Mercury retrograde
– Endured 87 political posts without commenting once
– Silently converted a room full of loud wrongness using only his eyes
📜 Bestowed Titles:
– The Serene Sentinel of Side-Eye
– Archbishop of Aesthetic Stillness
– Keeper of the Sacred "Mmm-hmm"