Your Third Eye Is Doomscrolling Again
Confessions, cosmic side-eyes, and unsolicited wisdom from a monk who accidentally reached enlightenment while trying to avoid his responsibilities.
🌀 Sunday Scrolls from the Monastery of Madness 🌀
by Virgin Monk Boy, Keeper of the Last Unread Terms & Conditions
Ah, Sunday.
The sacred pause between pretending you’re fine and pretending you’re productive.
Today, I bring you holy musings from the Temple of Too Much Incense and Not Enough Boundaries.
🛐 Today’s Meditation:
“Let it go” is not just for Elsa. It’s also for that grudge you’ve been nurturing like a bonsai of bitterness. Prune it. Bless it. Yeet it into the void.
📿 Confession Corner:
This morning I tried to meditate, but my third eye kept doomscrolling.
I lit a candle. The flame judged me.
I asked the Universe for a sign. It sent me a targeted ad for monk robes with zippers.
I am not okay. I am transcending.
🕯️ Divine Downloads:
You don’t need more crystals. You need better boundaries.
Your chakras aren’t blocked. You’re just dehydrated and avoiding your inbox.
Enlightenment isn’t a destination. It’s realizing you’ve been gaslighting yourself with Pinterest quotes.
📬 This Week’s Holy Homework:
Forgive someone who didn’t ask for it.
Drink water like it’s sacred (because it is).
Unfollow one spiritual influencer who gives you anxiety disguised as “motivation.”
🌌 Final Blessing:
May your aura repel narcissists, your Wi-Fi be strong, and your inner child stop throwing tantrums during breathwork.
If you’re still here, it means you’re chosen—or just too spiritually tired to unsubscribe. Either way, I love you.
See you next Sunday, unless I ascend before then (unlikely, but spiritually strategic to say).
In divine delusion,
Virgin Monk Boy
🧘♂️💅💀
That was waaaayyyy too funny 🤭😂🤣
Your chakras aren’t blocked. You’re just dehydrated and avoiding your inbox.