I find myself wandering off when folding laundry. Usually multitasking more than fantasizing, though. Traffic jams (until I started working remote full time) were often useful for solving coding problems too. ("If I must be here -- and apparently I must -- increasing my carbon footprint, is it not more productive to do this than sit here swearing at people I don't know about something they have no more control over than I do?") At least two intractable problems got resolved this way after spending the entire day (or more) chasing my tail at my desk. I suppose the question is "what did I miss while I was extending my workday?"
The one that got me thoguh was "listening to someone rather than preparing your rebuttal". I'm aware of it when I['m on the other end, the body language gives it away. The shaking head the waving hands, the crossed arms... but turning that around and seeing it in myself can be a challenge. Especially when most of my meetings are via Teams or Zoom. I *do* find that when I can catch myself and stop doing it, I very often learn something I hadn't considered before. I find a lot of that here on Substack as well.
Many thanks, Good Teacher.✨This teaching is very subtle. Most people insist on 100% planning, scheduling, & following all their preferences — that’s supposed to give us maximum happiness FOR SURE! But you’re right about the “tyranny” of preferences: if we don’t completely fill up our day with all our favorite fun things, then the day ends up a total loss. We miss so much that way. It is truly liberating to try to practice awareness no matter what gets thrown at us every day. It makes me appreciate little things that happen.🌱
So are you saying that reining in the attention to where you are and what you are doing is reconnecting to presence?
I got a bit lost as there are times in my art or writing where I am in the function but allowing my mind to wander/relax to get some creative vibes. I assume this aspect of "unsupervised thought" as a function of the task. It is probably just me but it felt like doing what you describe could close off some creative or relaxing activities
VBM I understand this to some degree - sometimes attentiveness is like breathing and sometimes I become aware I’m not there in the moment and choose to reign myself in ☺️ and come back to the moment. I have a tendency to get lost in my own mind, thinking. 🤔 😌 🤣
But I have a question that others may have too. I have a difficult background - especially from my childhood. Please speak to how this works in abusive -real or perceived-situations. When certain things happen I will automatically checkout. Not by choice. I have pretty significant CPTSD. I’ve come a long way but I can still get triggered even when there’s nothing to fear. Sometimes even just a smell can send me to the moon. I have progressed to where I don’t expect sympathy or anyone else to “babysit” my emotions. My condition is my responsibility and I work with it - trying to be awake and aware of everything in my environment helps me know if I need to take steps to avoid a full blown episode. Which is important because if I have one I’m pretty much done for the day. The rush of cortisol and adrenaline doesn’t agree with my body.😌
So here’s an example from just everyday life: Yesterday my son wanted to share a movie with us. He’s been trying to share himself by sharing movies and music he likes and we love that. So,the movie was a comedy. I like comedies and like the actors that were in it. But it ended up being a dark comedy with lots of suspense, violence, and scary things involving people getting killed. I really tried to stay but I couldn’t do it. I quietly exited and went outside to calm down and just read a book. I wasn’t offended or upset in the least. However he got REALLY angry with me for not watching the whole thing and being so ridiculous about not realizing it wasn’t real. Again, I wasn’t upset with him because I know people often don’t understand. However my struggle isn’t new to him. I didn’t apologize. I did say “my bad” for not taking better care of myself by asking more questions before trying to watch it. I told him it means a lot to us that he’s sharing his movies and music. And in this instance I wish I could have stayed but I couldn’t. It wasn’t about not wanting to.
I felt sorry that he got so upset. I wasn’t upset by his behavior but I did feel kind of disappointed in myself. And I felt angst reading your teaching today.
This is kind of a silly example - there are more brutal ones I could give. But I think you get what I’m trying to wrap my mind around. 😌 How does this work in these situations? There are hard things and there are HARD things. 🤷♀️
Gorgeous post and reminder. A keeper to revisit. "But preference is a terrible spiritual director. It keeps the soul shallow while convincing us we are being honest." I can relate so much to how this instruction relates to emptiness that so many experience right now, and not sacred emptiness, but absence of meaning, connection, and guidance.
This is so very good.
I find myself wandering off when folding laundry. Usually multitasking more than fantasizing, though. Traffic jams (until I started working remote full time) were often useful for solving coding problems too. ("If I must be here -- and apparently I must -- increasing my carbon footprint, is it not more productive to do this than sit here swearing at people I don't know about something they have no more control over than I do?") At least two intractable problems got resolved this way after spending the entire day (or more) chasing my tail at my desk. I suppose the question is "what did I miss while I was extending my workday?"
The one that got me thoguh was "listening to someone rather than preparing your rebuttal". I'm aware of it when I['m on the other end, the body language gives it away. The shaking head the waving hands, the crossed arms... but turning that around and seeing it in myself can be a challenge. Especially when most of my meetings are via Teams or Zoom. I *do* find that when I can catch myself and stop doing it, I very often learn something I hadn't considered before. I find a lot of that here on Substack as well.
“Being fully here has its own nourishment”
I can feed on that forever
Great article. The What This Looks In Ordinary Life, made me chuckle. So, true though.
Wise.
This is sharp in the best way. I admire how you clearly expose preference masquerading as wisdom.
Many thanks, Good Teacher.✨This teaching is very subtle. Most people insist on 100% planning, scheduling, & following all their preferences — that’s supposed to give us maximum happiness FOR SURE! But you’re right about the “tyranny” of preferences: if we don’t completely fill up our day with all our favorite fun things, then the day ends up a total loss. We miss so much that way. It is truly liberating to try to practice awareness no matter what gets thrown at us every day. It makes me appreciate little things that happen.🌱
So are you saying that reining in the attention to where you are and what you are doing is reconnecting to presence?
I got a bit lost as there are times in my art or writing where I am in the function but allowing my mind to wander/relax to get some creative vibes. I assume this aspect of "unsupervised thought" as a function of the task. It is probably just me but it felt like doing what you describe could close off some creative or relaxing activities
I am caught by this. fascinating.
VBM I understand this to some degree - sometimes attentiveness is like breathing and sometimes I become aware I’m not there in the moment and choose to reign myself in ☺️ and come back to the moment. I have a tendency to get lost in my own mind, thinking. 🤔 😌 🤣
But I have a question that others may have too. I have a difficult background - especially from my childhood. Please speak to how this works in abusive -real or perceived-situations. When certain things happen I will automatically checkout. Not by choice. I have pretty significant CPTSD. I’ve come a long way but I can still get triggered even when there’s nothing to fear. Sometimes even just a smell can send me to the moon. I have progressed to where I don’t expect sympathy or anyone else to “babysit” my emotions. My condition is my responsibility and I work with it - trying to be awake and aware of everything in my environment helps me know if I need to take steps to avoid a full blown episode. Which is important because if I have one I’m pretty much done for the day. The rush of cortisol and adrenaline doesn’t agree with my body.😌
So here’s an example from just everyday life: Yesterday my son wanted to share a movie with us. He’s been trying to share himself by sharing movies and music he likes and we love that. So,the movie was a comedy. I like comedies and like the actors that were in it. But it ended up being a dark comedy with lots of suspense, violence, and scary things involving people getting killed. I really tried to stay but I couldn’t do it. I quietly exited and went outside to calm down and just read a book. I wasn’t offended or upset in the least. However he got REALLY angry with me for not watching the whole thing and being so ridiculous about not realizing it wasn’t real. Again, I wasn’t upset with him because I know people often don’t understand. However my struggle isn’t new to him. I didn’t apologize. I did say “my bad” for not taking better care of myself by asking more questions before trying to watch it. I told him it means a lot to us that he’s sharing his movies and music. And in this instance I wish I could have stayed but I couldn’t. It wasn’t about not wanting to.
I felt sorry that he got so upset. I wasn’t upset by his behavior but I did feel kind of disappointed in myself. And I felt angst reading your teaching today.
This is kind of a silly example - there are more brutal ones I could give. But I think you get what I’m trying to wrap my mind around. 😌 How does this work in these situations? There are hard things and there are HARD things. 🤷♀️
Gorgeous post and reminder. A keeper to revisit. "But preference is a terrible spiritual director. It keeps the soul shallow while convincing us we are being honest." I can relate so much to how this instruction relates to emptiness that so many experience right now, and not sacred emptiness, but absence of meaning, connection, and guidance.