✝️ When "Saving Souls" Means Losing the Plot: A Rant on Missionary Delusion
Saving Souls or Colonizing Consent? Spoiler: It’s the Second One.
Let’s talk about that one missionary who thought it would be a good idea to illegally paddle his Savior Complex across shark-infested waters to “bring Jesus” to one of the last uncontacted tribes on Earth.
John Allen Chau, an American evangelical, broke international law and common sense to reach North Sentinel Island in 2018—where he was promptly and predictably killed. Cue the martyrdom soundtrack and candlelight vigils on Facebook.
But here’s the thing:
He didn’t die for his faith.
He died because he couldn’t take “no” for an answer.
And that, dear readers, is the spiritual rot festering beneath a lot of so-called “mission work.”
🌍 Colonialism with a Crucifix
Western Christianity has a long, bloody habit of dressing up imperialism as “love.”
“Go ye therefore and teach all nations,” they said.
But what they meant was:
“Convert or perish. We’ve got swords, syphilis, and a Savior you never asked for.”
John Chau’s tragicomic tale isn’t new.
It’s just season 7 of a very old show called “How to Colonize Spiritually Without Getting Your Hands Dirty.”
His supporters call him a martyr.
I call him a holy trespasser.
And honestly? The Sentinelese had every right to defend their sacred space from uninvited spiritual squatters.
🏹 The Tribe Had a Religion: It's Called "Boundaries"
The Sentinelese are not “lost.”
They are not “in need of Jesus.”
They are not “living in darkness.”
They are living without Wi-Fi, TikTok, or the illusion of capitalism-as-enlightenment.
They are the last humans not refreshing the news in a panic spiral.
They are sovereign.
And they have been saying “NO” to your saviors for 60,000 years.
So when a man invades their shores with a waterproof Bible and a God Complex, that’s not bravery.
That’s a spiritual breaking and entering.
🧼 Let’s Scrub the Savior Complex, Shall We?
If your religion requires ignoring international law, basic ethics, and the sovereign will of others,
I’ve got news for you:
You’re not following Jesus.
You’re following colonial delusion with a halo filter.
If your “good news” can’t survive without forcing it onto others,
it’s not good.
And it’s barely news.
What’s wild is that John Chau actually quarantined himself before going—to protect them from his germs.
But he couldn’t fathom that his ideology might be even more infectious.
More toxic.
And far more lethal than his bacteria.
🧘♂️ Virgin Monk Boy’s Spiritual Hot Take:
Jesus didn’t say,
“Blessed are the trespassers, for they shall be stabbed by uncontacted tribes.”
He said something more like,
“If they don’t welcome you, shake the dust off your feet and GTFO.”
(Matthew 10:14, Paraphrased in the Book of Common Sense)
Let’s not baptize colonialism and call it evangelism.
Let’s not confuse “spiritual calling” with “unhinged delusion.”
Let’s stop applauding boundary-violating missions like they’re divine assignments when they’re just another holy hustle.
🪬 Final Benediction:
To the Sentinelese:
You are the patron saints of boundaries.
May your arrows always fly true.
To the missionary-industrial complex:
Sit down.
Your spiritual GPS is broken.
Recalculating…
In resistance and irreverence,
Virgin Monk Boy
📿 He Who Roasts the Righteous for Fun and Clarity
This is one of the sharpest and most necessary takedowns of missionary zeal I’ve read in a long time. The line “They are the last humans not refreshing the news in a panic spiral” hit especially hard. You’re not just calling out hypocrisy—you’re naming the violence hidden under the white robes of “good intentions.” Powerful, piercing, and deeply overdue. Thank you for protecting sacred boundaries with your words. 🙏