The Gospel According to Fox News: Love Thy Neighbor—Unless He's Woke
How selective compassion turned the teachings of Jesus into political ammunition.
The Paradox of the Beatitudes
Ah, dear seekers of truth, today Virgin Monk Boy is here to unravel yet another divine mystery: How to love thy neighbor—unless, of course, that neighbor is "woke," whatever that terrifyingly vague term means these days.
Let us meditate briefly upon this paradox:
Blessed are the meek... unless they're too meek to own an assault rifle.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness... unless they're protesting injustice.
Blessed are the merciful... unless it involves immigrants.
Blessed are the pure in heart... unless their purity means accepting science.
Blessed are the peacemakers... unless they're advocating diplomacy instead of drone strikes.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake... unless they're "too woke" for your liking.
Selective Compassion: A Modern Miracle
Ah yes, my spiritually-flexible friends, it appears many among us have become experts in a peculiar brand of selective compassion. It's a magical kind of love—one that conveniently disappears the moment your neighbor whispers "climate change" or mentions their preferred pronouns. Truly miraculous!
What Would Jesus Meme?
Imagine Master Jesus himself returning today, only to find his followers passionately reciting: "Turn the other cheek—but only after you've thoroughly roasted your woke neighbor on Facebook." One wonders how He might respond. "Forgive them, Father, for their political party knows not what it does!"
And yet, the irony remains thick as monastery porridge: Those who most fervently denounce "wokeness" are also the ones most likely to share memes of Jesus holding an American flag and a shotgun. Divine mystery, indeed!
Meditation for the Ironically Uninterested
Perhaps today's meditation might help (though, ironically, those most in need probably stopped reading after the title):
Today's meditation: Close your eyes and visualize your neighbor. See past their "Vote Blue" yard sign. Now breathe deeply. If anger arises, acknowledge it, and gently whisper: "May my spirituality be deeper than my social media feed."
Embracing Genuine Compassion
Remember, friends, true enlightenment isn't found in condemning others from atop moral high horses—it's found in the uncomfortable embrace of genuine, messy, beautifully inconvenient compassion. Even for those who dare sip kombucha while advocating for human rights.
Stay woke, stay compassionate, and remember: Enlightenment isn't a weapon—no matter how much you wish it could smite your neighbor's yard signs.
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I should remember this, too; just have to replace "Vote Blue" with "Vote Red"... X-P
In a way, it kind of helps that one of my best friends has an elderly mom, in whose house she and her husband have to stay now due to the various economic realities we're in these days. They're both there on her sufferance, and the mom's a major Trumpian, Fox watcher, etc.; one political word not in her camp in her hearing and they're out on the street. So, it reminds me to be civil. ;)
BTW: can any of them actually define the word "woke" without just using examples? Like, a dictionary definition? :-/