The God You Were Trying to Talk To Was Inside You All Along
Mary Magdalene, the Inner Child of True Humanity, and the Post-Relationship God
Inspired by
’s article "Becoming an Interdividual" Read it here:
I used to chase God like a long-distance pen pal.
I wrote. I waited. I imagined he was listening. I assumed he was male, elsewhere, and slightly disappointed in me.
Then one day, something cracked open. I was meditating, and I felt Jesus was approaching. I braced for the vision of a Galilean man in sandals.
But it wasn’t him.
It was me.
Or rather, the archetypal me. The radiant, immortal version. The one who had always been quietly watching. The one I had projected onto every god, guru, and savior I ever begged for crumbs of attention.
At first, I thought I was a failure. Like this glowing presence was showing me what I should have been. But then I realized: I was being shown what I already am. The version of me that doesn’t seek approval. The one full of love and compassion. The inner Child of True Humanity that Jesus taught exists within every human being. Not out there—in here.
Seek it. Follow it. Trust it.
Which brings me to Mary Magdalene.
Not the sexed-up hallucination of Dan Brown or the weeping penitent of church legend. But the Mary whose Gospel was torn from history and buried in the sand. The one who recorded these words from Jesus:
"Follow the Child of True Humanity who is within you."
Not worship it. Not pray to it. Not wait for it.
Follow it.
This Child of True Humanity isn’t some metaphysical toddler floating around your spleen. It’s the pure awareness that existed before shame, before fear, before indoctrination. It’s the unruined you. The divine you. The you that remembers.
And yes, it can be disturbing. Jesus said in the Gospel of Thomas:
"Let the one who seeks continue seeking until he finds. When he finds, he will be disturbed. When he is disturbed, he will marvel, and will reign over all."
Because it is disturbing to realize the God you were trained to chase is the part of you you were trained to distrust. To find what was hidden inside you all along can shake every borrowed belief to its knees. But that disturbance? That rupture? That’s how freedom begins.
So when Jim Palmer writes about moving from a "relationship with God" to an "interdividual" experience of divine reality, I get it.
A "relationship with God" implies two separate beings: you and Sky-Dad. And when Sky-Dad stops texting back, you assume you’re the problem.
But an "interdividual" spirituality starts from the premise that separation is the illusion. God isn’t your imaginary boyfriend. God is the connective tissue. The current running through you, me, the wind, the ache, the dance, the grief.
Jesus didn’t come to establish a hotline to an external deity. He came to wake up the divine template inside you. The Magdalene understood this. That’s why the other disciples resented her. She didn’t believe in Jesus. She embodied him.
When I read Jim's piece, especially this line:
"People look for 'God' everywhere and cannot find 'God'. Consider that everywhere that we are looking, is 'God'."
I could almost hear Mary whispering:
"Why do you weep? Whom do you seek?"
She didn’t find Jesus in a tomb. She found him in a garden. And then he vanished.
Because the point was never to cling to the form. The point was to recognize the archetype. To follow the Child of True Humanity. To become what we were always afraid we might be: holy.
Not from effort. But from memory.
So no, I don’t have a "relationship with God." I am in relationship, because God is relationality itself. And when I want to pray, I don’t talk to a Father-figure hovering above me. I drop into stillness. And I follow the voice of the One within.
Sometimes she sounds like Mary. Sometimes he laughs like Jesus. Sometimes it's just the quiet exhale of a presence too vast to name.
But it always ends in the same realization:
The God you were trying to talk to was you all along.
A Short Meditation: Following the Child of True Humanity
Sit quietly. Close your eyes. Place your hand on your heart.
Inhale: "The Child of True Humanity..."
Exhale: "...is within me."
Mentally repeat slowly for several minutes. Feel for the presence inside you that needs no validation. The presence that watches, that loves, that remembers.
When the mind wanders, gently return to the breath. Return to the child. Return to yourself.
Release and Rest in Natural Awareness
Now let go of the words. Let the breath be natural. Keep your attention soft—resting gently on the area of your heart, and lightly aware of the sounds and sensations around you.
Don’t concentrate. Don’t chase silence. Just sit. Let your awareness expand like a horizon after fog lifts.
Let the Child within simply be. You are not trying to connect. You are the connection.
Dedication of Merit
Through the power of this practice, may all beings remember the Child of True Humanity within them. May those lost in separation find their way back to wholeness. May those who seek, find. May those who find, endure the disturbance. May all be held in the radiance that never left them.
Before you vanish back into the illusion—smash that LIKE or SHARE button like you're breaking open an alabaster jar. One small click, one bold act of remembrance. That’s how we spread the Gospel they tried to erase and resurrect the voice of the First Apostle.
And if this stirred something in your chest cavity (or your third eye), consider a paid subscription. It keeps the scrolls unrolling, the incense smoldering, and the Magdalene movement caffeinated. ☕️🔥
(Yes, you can literally buy me a coffee. Mary saw the risen Christ—I just need a latte to write about it.)
References:
[1] Bruce Chilton, Mary Magdalene: A Biography
[2] The Gospel of Mary, translated by Karen King
[3] The original Gospel of Thomas in translation, translated by DeConick A.D.
The part I was trained not to trust.... that's why it's not so easy to remember, but it's happening, slowly. Thank you.
Thank you for helping me to remember who I am. 🙏