Constantine didn’t just wrangle bishops at Nicaea—he accidentally opened the multiverse and unleashed Socialist Jesus, Yoga Jesus, Influencer Jesus, and more. The result? A council less about theology and more about merch, branding, and who controls the royalties.
being of one substance with the father, by whom all things were made…
Etched upon my DNA while sitting on a pew with my sister and our Mom, with our quarter for the collection plate twisted up in a dainty handkerchief embroidered with flowers.
Those Metaverse Jesuses got nothing for old German Lutheran women of generations of old German Lutherans.
Imagine the twisting of minds, like quarters in little girls handkerchiefs, needed to indoctrinate the faithful. Don’t question. Just recite.
Beneath the comedy, though, you’re pointing at something truer than doctrine that religion has always been a marketplace as much as a mystery. I feel it in myself: the ache between reverence and ridicule.
Elham, you’ve got it. Reverence and ridicule are siblings. The Church tried to exile the jester, but the fool kept sneaking into the sanctuary with a mirror. Satire isn’t just play—it’s liturgy that refuses to be conned. The marketplace was always there, selling indulgences, relics, indulgent relics. Better to laugh while naming it than to kneel to the con.
📜So if I can just get a copy of the “Sutra Iesu Flexibilis” (the Himalayan apocryphon), it will solve my levitation problems, I just know it will.🙏Bless the bendy, for their chakras require frequent realignment.😎
You had me at “Jesuses pouring in from the Universe” 😂. Goth Jesus had me spit out my coffee laffing (when will i learn) so of course was my favorite. In fact laffed thru the whole thing so grateful it started my day.
As for the subscription plan for salvation, I’m retired so I can only afford the basic plan - forgiveness & eternal life.
I’m gonna consult with my advisor Magdalene before I decide if itz worth it or not.
Devastatingly hilarious. Serious question: how did ANY version of Christianity survive and/or is the question, does this happen to everything, and so: how does anything survive??
Hilarious 😂....cuts through those early century debates and gets to the real point: how we got the "salvation" gospel. 🤔
Yep...And that's how the real one got sidelined... from Jesus' lips: the kingdom of heaven is within and around you.
I laughed so hard! You nailed the infiltration of spiritual truth with branding, influencing and above all money.
😆 – so much fun!
…very god of very god,
begotten, not made,
being of one substance with the father, by whom all things were made…
Etched upon my DNA while sitting on a pew with my sister and our Mom, with our quarter for the collection plate twisted up in a dainty handkerchief embroidered with flowers.
Those Metaverse Jesuses got nothing for old German Lutheran women of generations of old German Lutherans.
Imagine the twisting of minds, like quarters in little girls handkerchiefs, needed to indoctrinate the faithful. Don’t question. Just recite.
Funny!
Another fine satire.
The Chaos of history and humour, I hope no one will condemn be for a laugh.
Thank you my friend 🙏
If history can’t be laughed at, it isn’t holy.
Condemnation belongs to the bishops. The rest of us are just passing around wine skins and bad jokes in the ruins.
🙏🙏
Gads. You’re killin’ it here. (Said the boomer…)
This is wild satire, sharp enough to sting.
Beneath the comedy, though, you’re pointing at something truer than doctrine that religion has always been a marketplace as much as a mystery. I feel it in myself: the ache between reverence and ridicule.
Elham, you’ve got it. Reverence and ridicule are siblings. The Church tried to exile the jester, but the fool kept sneaking into the sanctuary with a mirror. Satire isn’t just play—it’s liturgy that refuses to be conned. The marketplace was always there, selling indulgences, relics, indulgent relics. Better to laugh while naming it than to kneel to the con.
True words. 🙏 ❤️
So funny, sadly true “drop prayers in the chat”. 🙏
📜So if I can just get a copy of the “Sutra Iesu Flexibilis” (the Himalayan apocryphon), it will solve my levitation problems, I just know it will.🙏Bless the bendy, for their chakras require frequent realignment.😎
You had me at “Jesuses pouring in from the Universe” 😂. Goth Jesus had me spit out my coffee laffing (when will i learn) so of course was my favorite. In fact laffed thru the whole thing so grateful it started my day.
As for the subscription plan for salvation, I’m retired so I can only afford the basic plan - forgiveness & eternal life.
I’m gonna consult with my advisor Magdalene before I decide if itz worth it or not.
This certainly paints the picture clearly! Thank you!
Bravo! Too bad the world isn’t seeing this.
By sharing we can al least get it out to the Substack world.
Branding....yes, that's a great word for it! You made me laugh. Thank you!
Devastatingly hilarious. Serious question: how did ANY version of Christianity survive and/or is the question, does this happen to everything, and so: how does anything survive??