Suffering: The Cosmic Slap You Didn’t Know You Needed
How to Stop Fighting Life and Let Suffering Do Its Job
Ah, suffering—the universe’s way of slapping the nachos out of your hand and saying, “Pay attention, mortal.”
We don’t like it. We resist it. We bargain with it like a desperate gambler trying to keep his last chip. “Come on, universe, just let me have this one thing, and I’ll be good forever, promise.” But suffering just raises an eyebrow and deals another round of whatever you were trying to avoid.
So, Why Do We Suffer?
Simple. You’re too attached to stuff that isn’t real.
You expect people to stay the same when even your favorite pair of jeans betray you over time.
You plan your future like you have a VIP pass to tomorrow. Spoiler: you don’t.
You think your identity—your job, your name, your perfectly curated beliefs—are you. They’re not. They’re just the costumes you’re trying on this lifetime.
Suffering happens because you confuse the temporary with the eternal. And life, being the gentle teacher it is (LOL), will remind you of this with heartbreak, loss, and the occasional public humiliation that makes you question all your life choices.
But Here’s the Twist—Suffering Isn’t Your Enemy
I know, I know. You’d rather have a life full of bliss, no bad hair days, and unlimited free guacamole. (Me too, my child.) But suffering isn’t a punishment. It’s not some cosmic bully picking on you just because you forgot to sage your apartment.
It’s a wake-up call.
It’s a wrecking ball to your ego, tearing down everything false so you can see what’s actually real.
Think of suffering like that friend who tells you the hard truth:
“That relationship isn’t serving you.”
“Your attachment to success is actually making you miserable.”
“No, you cannot pull off leather pants. Accept this and be free.”
Suffering has one job—to pull you out of the illusion of control and into reality. And reality, dear soul, is way more interesting than the fantasy you’ve been clinging to.
How to Stop Suffering (Or At Least Make It Shut Up a Bit)
You can’t avoid suffering entirely (sorry), but you can stop making it worse. How?
Stop fighting impermanence. Life changes. People leave. Hairlines recede. Clinging to what must change is like trying to surf with a brick. Let go.
Drop the drama. You don’t have to narrate your suffering like a tragic hero. Sometimes, pain is just pain. You can feel it without turning it into an epic Netflix saga.
Laugh at the absurdity. Your soul is eternal. Your problems? Not so much. A little cosmic perspective never hurt anybody. (Well, except maybe philosophers. They tend to spiral.)
Find the lesson, then move on. Suffering is like a pop quiz. You don’t have to ace it, but at least try to learn something before moving to the next class.
A Small Practice to Transform Suffering
Alright, so you’re stuck in traffic, someone just cut you off, and you can feel the fiery rage of a thousand suns building in your chest.
Pause. Breathe. And instead of cursing their entire bloodline, try this:
Remind yourself that countless other beings are experiencing this exact same frustration right now.
Somewhere, a monk in Thailand is stuck behind a slow walker. A parent in New York is trying not to lose it over a toddler’s 37th meltdown of the day. A cosmic soul just like you is staring at their WiFi signal, waiting for a page to load.
And in that moment, make a small wish for them:
"May they be free from this annoyance. May they find peace, even in this."
That’s it. A tiny shift. A crack in the armor of your suffering.
And the funniest thing? The moment you wish peace for someone else, you’ll feel just a little lighter yourself.
Try it. The universe has a strange sense of humor, and it loves rewarding those who finally get the joke.
🔥 Your turn: What’s one time suffering taught you something that changed your life? Share it below—I promise not to judge. (Unless it’s about leather pants. Then I will absolutely judge.
When did suffering teach me something that changed my life?
6 year relationship with boyfriend slowly falling apart. Not living together & when someone tried to break into my house & fucked the window up, I called my bf whom I hadn’t seen in 2 weeks (WARNING WARNING FIRST TIME THAT’S EVER HAPPENED) left a message. When he called back i was running errands but answered the phone while driving (LAWBREAKER). & asked how he was doing (had lots of job, child support issues going on) if he could come over & see if he could fix it when he had time.
His response after a long pause was “No I can’t. I quit my job & moved to Houston.”
I overreacted & pulled over to the side of the road almost ending up in a ditch with car damage. For a few minutes i sat silent trying to breathe & absorb & decipher what I’d just heard.
Finally i found words. “So basically you just ended our relationship.”
Long pause. “Without telling me”
Another long pause. He stammered a gibberish defensive answer full of penitence & justifications. I repeated, “You left without telling me.”
He sighed & another long pause later said, “yes, it’s a bad habit of mine.”
Props for finally being honest but….
It was over for me at that point. I’d seen it coming but lived in denial, just like my marriage & the relationship i had after that. My head, heart & soul were all in agreement on this one for one of the few times ever.
And for once i faced reality without making up excuses defending him & said, “it hurts me more now that you just left & didn’t have the balls to tell me than if you had told me to my face before leaving.” Silence. I needed to get out of this conversation.
“I gotta go.”
What did suffering the loss of that relationship teach me? (And all the suffering during it & previous romantic partners as well)
To face reality and see people as they really are, not as i want them to be.
To BE ME & not be what I think they want me to be so they don’t leave
To let go of my “Romeo & Juliet” fantasy imago of love (remind myself they both died committing suicide, no happy ending there)
And let go of expecting another person to do for me what i need to do for myself.
I never saw the movie Jerry McGuire but i know Tom Cruise says to his love “You complete me”.
I’ve believe in that & wanted that my whole life.
Now i believe that’s asking way to much of another person.
And that with some spiritual guidance, maybe I can reach the point where I can honestly say “I complete me”. Or “God/Spirit/the DIvine/the Universe completes me”.
Or simply “I am complete”
Or even “I’m not complete & thats okay.
That’s what I’m exploring now.
I am getting comfortable with the welcome I feel in your substack. I really appreciate your personhood.
About 4 years ago I was departing mutually from a 10-year relationship and witnessing a lot of illusions come into sharp relief as well as being very painfully accosted by a heart I had separated into pieces and shelved in as many boxes, as the pieces began to crash back into each other.
I was maybe a couple of weeks out of the house we’d bought together, renting a room in a very large house located in an unfamiliar neighborhood. I was sitting in my truck at a traffic light near my new residence and it came over me so fully. I am now one of countless millions. This is happening to more people than I can imagine, right now. Has happened to humans forever. I was looking into the vehicles around me and my eyes welled. Something expanded beyond my sense of expansion, and I was in that something, of that something, just like everyone else. Every sacred one of ‘em.
This separation was far from the most painful of path shifting experiences I’d had. But I suppose all that preceded it, birthed it.
I felt so subsumed by compassion.
I don’t know what else to say.