Sometimes what you write just makes me cry. Thank you. These are needed tears. I see myself so much in this. I am one who just wants to DO something -anything- to take hurt away. How much of that is selfish? I don’t know but I suspect a good portion is all about me!! I don’t want to feel their pain or my helplessness? I’ve been painfully aware of this in me long before it became very real and close when my husband suffered a spinal stroke and was confined to a wheelchair for the last few years of his life. It hurt to see him that way and not be able to “fix” anything. I learned a lot about myself for those three years and I was definitely not the best version of myself at times. How I wish that I had just been present with him instead of trying to be a cheerleader and fixer. Your writing is healing and helpful so thank you, thank you 🙏
‘Just being’ is not a passive state. It is a coherent state. The organism resting in its own baseline frequency without the need to perform, protect, or prove.
Merton understood this. The mercy he speaks of is not something we give. It is something we become when we stop trying to control the field.
I have seen this in my own body and in my work with clients: the most profound shifts often occur not in the doing, but in the quiet allowing.
My pleasure, Catherine. I think that distinction changes everything: stillness is not the absence of movement. It is movement no longer driven by resistance.
As I read this powerful article, I kept thinking about the definition of loneliness that I have been playing with: feeling unseen, misunderstood, or unsupported. We over-emphasize the supported part, and in doing so we fail to see and understand people. Standing there on the street corner, Merton saw and understood. Suddenly, everyone around him was a little more unlonely.
When this energy shows up in my therapy office I trust that I’m in alignment. That alignment is healing through acceptance, unconditional positive regard (Rogers) that Richard Roth identifies as “mirroring”. If we can’t get enough of it from our parents, hopefully we find it SOMEWHERE, a mentor, in faith with God, until we recognize who is co-creating the image being mirrored. Our true selves.
I have experienced “just being” but I never know how to respond. Sometimes I appear to merge with others; other times I just “disappear” and my body is doing its thing without my awareness. “Beeding” seems to have some connection with “flow.”
Thomas Merton's "7 Story Mountain" was a feature in both my Masters Thesis and my PhD Thesis back in the 70's and 80's last century. His work, back in those days of my in-depth study into self-examination, self-healing, self-growth and self-acceptance became a Major Influence for my own future work, including my career years as a Practicing Therapist helping people work through childhood trauma in particular!. I learned from him and other Greats from his era that healing those wounds was not only possible, but necessary, to finally unleash that burden and then uncover our Deepest Self within, the one we now call Spiritual!
"They are simply so little occupied with protecting and projecting themselves that there is room for someone else to exist in their presence." - I have experienced a friend like this, and it is life-giving.
One of my sons has severe bipolar disorder. For years he resisted medication and lived in psychosis on the street. It was one of the most painful periods of my life. At some point I realized that everything I tried to do for him (provide housing, pay for medical care, send him money) I did to relieve MY suffering ABOUT him. None of it relieved his suffering more than momentarily. At some point I realized that my “help” interfered with his path to recovery. Then there was nothing to do but love him. No judgement. No action. Just love. Much, much harder than it sounds. After years of homelessness, he made peace with his symptoms and realized that staying on his meds was part of his journey and that he could have bipolar disorder AND a life he loved. I’m not sure he could have gotten to that place if I continued to be all up in his business trying to make myself feel better. I’m no expert at presence, but I see a reason every day to try to keep my ego out of my choices. Thank you for your words.
“We make enough room inside ourselves for mercy to move without constantly asking whether it makes us look compassionate.” Gonna be sitting with this for awhile. 🙏🏼
Sometimes what you write just makes me cry. Thank you. These are needed tears. I see myself so much in this. I am one who just wants to DO something -anything- to take hurt away. How much of that is selfish? I don’t know but I suspect a good portion is all about me!! I don’t want to feel their pain or my helplessness? I’ve been painfully aware of this in me long before it became very real and close when my husband suffered a spinal stroke and was confined to a wheelchair for the last few years of his life. It hurt to see him that way and not be able to “fix” anything. I learned a lot about myself for those three years and I was definitely not the best version of myself at times. How I wish that I had just been present with him instead of trying to be a cheerleader and fixer. Your writing is healing and helpful so thank you, thank you 🙏
‘Just being’ is not a passive state. It is a coherent state. The organism resting in its own baseline frequency without the need to perform, protect, or prove.
Merton understood this. The mercy he speaks of is not something we give. It is something we become when we stop trying to control the field.
I have seen this in my own body and in my work with clients: the most profound shifts often occur not in the doing, but in the quiet allowing.
Thank you for the distinction between passive and coherent states.
My pleasure, Catherine. I think that distinction changes everything: stillness is not the absence of movement. It is movement no longer driven by resistance.
As I read this powerful article, I kept thinking about the definition of loneliness that I have been playing with: feeling unseen, misunderstood, or unsupported. We over-emphasize the supported part, and in doing so we fail to see and understand people. Standing there on the street corner, Merton saw and understood. Suddenly, everyone around him was a little more unlonely.
When this energy shows up in my therapy office I trust that I’m in alignment. That alignment is healing through acceptance, unconditional positive regard (Rogers) that Richard Roth identifies as “mirroring”. If we can’t get enough of it from our parents, hopefully we find it SOMEWHERE, a mentor, in faith with God, until we recognize who is co-creating the image being mirrored. Our true selves.
Very helpful!
This is so true. We need to get out of our own way so much of the time.
I have experienced “just being” but I never know how to respond. Sometimes I appear to merge with others; other times I just “disappear” and my body is doing its thing without my awareness. “Beeding” seems to have some connection with “flow.”
Thomas Merton's "7 Story Mountain" was a feature in both my Masters Thesis and my PhD Thesis back in the 70's and 80's last century. His work, back in those days of my in-depth study into self-examination, self-healing, self-growth and self-acceptance became a Major Influence for my own future work, including my career years as a Practicing Therapist helping people work through childhood trauma in particular!. I learned from him and other Greats from his era that healing those wounds was not only possible, but necessary, to finally unleash that burden and then uncover our Deepest Self within, the one we now call Spiritual!
"They are simply so little occupied with protecting and projecting themselves that there is room for someone else to exist in their presence." - I have experienced a friend like this, and it is life-giving.
One of my sons has severe bipolar disorder. For years he resisted medication and lived in psychosis on the street. It was one of the most painful periods of my life. At some point I realized that everything I tried to do for him (provide housing, pay for medical care, send him money) I did to relieve MY suffering ABOUT him. None of it relieved his suffering more than momentarily. At some point I realized that my “help” interfered with his path to recovery. Then there was nothing to do but love him. No judgement. No action. Just love. Much, much harder than it sounds. After years of homelessness, he made peace with his symptoms and realized that staying on his meds was part of his journey and that he could have bipolar disorder AND a life he loved. I’m not sure he could have gotten to that place if I continued to be all up in his business trying to make myself feel better. I’m no expert at presence, but I see a reason every day to try to keep my ego out of my choices. Thank you for your words.
“We make enough room inside ourselves for mercy to move without constantly asking whether it makes us look compassionate.” Gonna be sitting with this for awhile. 🙏🏼