Ah, healing. That thing we all claim to be doing but secretly hope comes in 2-day shipping with free returns.
Let’s get something straight, sweet soul muffin:
Healing isn’t aesthetic.
It’s not candles, crystal grids, or whispering “I release what no longer serves me” while clutching a $70 selenite wand like it’s going to pay your therapy bill.
It’s rage.
It’s grief.
It’s the moment you realize your “inner child” is just your current self having a tantrum because you skipped breakfast again.
📿 This Week’s Realization:
I lit incense to ground myself and accidentally summoned every unresolved issue from 2007 to present.
Thank you, Universe, for this karmic ambush.
🧘 Spiritual Practices That Actually Happened This Week:
Meditated for 2 minutes, then spiraled into existential dread.
Journaled one sentence before writing “ugh” 17 times.
Pulled a tarot card and got “The Tower.”
Again.
I shuffled. It came back. We are not okay.
🩻 Three Unpopular Truths from the Scrolls of Spicy Enlightenment:
Shadow work isn’t “deep” if you’re still weaponizing astrology to justify bad behavior.
Your ancestors want you to heal—but they’re also lowkey embarrassed by your aura playlist.
You’re not a mess. You’re just spiritually fermenting. Don’t rush the funk.
🕯️ This Week’s Holy Homework:
Stop ghosting your emotions. Let them leave a voicemail.
Say “no” without explaining yourself. Watch the awkward silence bloom.
Instead of doing a full moon ritual, go drink some damn water and call your soul back from whatever situationship it’s stuck in.
🌌 Final Blessing:
May your wounds be witnessed, your memes be meaningful, and your third eye not be sponsored by TikTok therapists.
Remember, you’re not broken.
You’re just becoming someone your past self would both worship and be slightly afraid of.
That’s the point.
See you next Sunday, unless I get recruited into a cult with better robes.
In sacred chaos,
Virgin Monk Boy
Because enlightenment shouldn't feel like a multi-level marketing scheme
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So many good chuckles 🤭
Brilliant as always. 😄